Tate Gallery of Real Life

2009-02-11T09:51:00.002Z

X-ray done at last! Just got to wait for the results now. I'm not convinced they will actually see anything as I have been told that I have nerve damage & they can't be seen on a normal x-ray!

Had the Educational planning meeting to check up on George & it has been decided that because things are going well they aren't going to issue a final prosecution notice. Phew! He has 6 months to behave before they stop monitoring him but I'm sure we will be fine. George being back in school full time has lifted a huge load off my shoulders & alleviated alot if stress. We've now got to work on his sleep problems so he'll be a bit easier to get up in the mornings!
Seeing his Consultant soon so I'm going to try to pin him down on a few things. All we keep getting is that it won't be a quick fix. I know that, but we need to start fixing a few things rather than just talking about them!
I am also convinced George has Aspergers too. He does have so many Aspergers traits & I do want things clarified a bit more. It would also help towards my claim for Disability Living Allowance which I have been turned down for before.

The shop is going well, the dress side in particular. The girls are all after their prom dresses now so that side is keeping me busy. I do love seeing the girls dressing up in the pretty dresses & deciding which one is THE ONE! Such an expensive business too. I'm lucky that I have all my dresses for Bex prom this year. She's already picked hers out although typically she has picked the most expensive one in the shop!. It's a very pretty one too. All pink & lacy!

Just wondering when we're going to get a holiday this year! Have been working 6 days a week so it is difficult to get time off. I have really been missing Geocaching at meeting up with all the friends I met. It just gets difficult when I spend Sundays catching up and doing housework so leisure activities have faded into the background. Mind you, with my back as it is, I can't really walk far anyway so caching has been put on hold until I can sort out my life a bit more. I also need to be going to Weymouth to see my parents a little more right now so got to try to squeeze that in too but that is more of a priority so always comes first!

I had better get on with running my businesses! Got to order some more tiaras!

Beginning of 2009

2009-02-05T09:13:00.005Z

Lenny in the snow! We had a the biggest snowfall for many years this week!

Time has just whizzed past again. I can't believe that I last blogged at the end of October! Well, I can believe that really!

So this is just a little update of the the goings on with the Tates since then.

The shop has taken off particularly the Dress hire side. I was warned that in January the prom side would be busy, and they weren't wrong!
We have pushed the advertising for that side of the business and it has been worth it. We are getting people from all over Hampshire wanting my dresses. I am the only person in this area that hires dresses so that's why we have been so busy. We still have a few months to go until the proms so hopefully I will be even busier!

Things eventually came to a head with George and his problems with going to school. We were finally threatened with prosecution and have had a couple of family group conference meetings with all those nearest to George plus the authorities to try to sort a plan to get him back into school.
I think the message finally kicked in for George & he is now almost going full-time, gradually building up until he will be totally full-time next week. He is still a real pain to get up in the mornings but we do get there. I think George seeing & hearing things for real rather than from me made the difference.
The main thing is that no-one seemed to take Georges' behavioural problems into account & everything that has gone on with him over the past couple of years. I hate to use the phrase abnormal but George is not your normal everyday child, what with his ADHD etc. He is also finding it difficult to forge relationships with others, which has always been a problem due to his ADHD & we are now finding that he is getting some trouble from others who find him hard to tolerate. We will finally get to see the Mental Health Consultant again at the end of this month. We were supposed to have had a follow up appointment in October! It is just so frustrating trying to get the help he needs & no-one is taking any notice. I just feel abandoned sometimes.

My back is still not good. Infact, it seems to be worse than ever & I'm still dosed up to the eyeballs all the time to be able to function. Because I left the private hospital, my care is now under the NHS so I have had to wait. I saw the Consultant at the beginning of January who sent me for an x-ray at a different hospital. The x-ray card went missing so I now have to wait until next week to get that done & then probably another MRI. Back to square one again!

Steve is still around despite everything that is going on in my life. There is more but I'm not going to mention it all right now! He has been absolutely brilliant and so tolerant & helpful. I really don't know how I would have survived the past year without him. He has been a godsend & is so kind to me. I am very lucky to have found him after everything that happened.

The beginning of 2009 really hasn't been good. There's some not so good things happening in my life but I guess there are some good ones with the business taking off but things aren't brilliant apart from the shop. We will get there but I know some things are going to get worse & I will have to deal with those.

And......maybe I might start blogging more often too!

Belated Happy New Year to you all!

Busy time again!

2008-10-28T21:51:00.002Z

Wow! Been ages again! Sorry!
There is a good excuse tho. Since opening the shop just over 6 weeks ago, I have put in 6 day weeks, all 9-5ish so have been absolutely shattered in the evenings and have spent every Sunday catching up on everything else. I don't find much time to breathe!
Get up at 7.15 every day, go to the shop, get home, feed dogs, bunnies and then the kids doing some clearing up and cleaning in between! By that time it's getting late and my painkillers have kicked in so I usually end up slumped on the sofa fighting to keep awake! It takes Steve a good few prods to get me up and into my own bed!

The 'Togz' shop is up and running well now and ticking along so, perhaps rather impulsively, I looked out for another challenge; a little addition to the shop business.
I have bought another business. The whole stock, website, domain, contacts and wholesaler details. The lady I got it all from had to give up due to her kids being so young and the business taking up too much time for her running it from home.
So now I have an additional area within the shop for the new business.
What is it? I hear you cry!
This is the business: www.wheredidshegetthat.com
I'm in heaven!

Jenny, remember going around trying on wedding dresses when we weren't even getting married? (At that point anyway!), well, this fulfills alot of that need! (We were alot younger too!)

The link may not work for the next day or so as all the swapping over to my new server and host is going on, but do pop back and have a look!
It should be so much fun to do!

From working part time for 14 years, then eing off sick for a year, working full-time is a bit of a shock to the system, but it doesn't feel like work. I'm my own boss, infact I AM THE BOSS! What a great position to be in after all these years of being an employee and being told what to do!

Hopefully I'll be back soon! x

Phew!

2008-10-01T09:31:00.004+01:00

Wow! What a manic few weeks!

We finally opened the shop on 13th September and I haven't stopped since!

No time for breathing let alone blogging. So sorry for that.

I am really pleased with the shop and it looks great. We are getting loads of positive comments and business is steady. I'm not going to make the million but am going to make enough to live. Considering we haven't got the advertising out yet, we're doing ok. That's the next job - working on adverts and flyers. I don't have time to sit and twiddle my thumbs in the shop as there is always something to do. But, I am enjoying it and no horrible boss to be breathing over my shoulder!

It's just hard adjusting from working part-time for 14 years, being off sick for a year and straight back into 6 day weeks of 9-5.

Things at home have been hard work too. Lots going on but I'm not going into details but the kids having been causing alot of stress, more than usual! Mind you, life can't really hit me as hard as it has done in the past so I can get through anything.

George is still not going to school and I have attended meetings with them to sort everything out. What is most annoying, is that I was promised that someone would liaise with the senior school and fill them in with all of Georges problems. No-one did, so when I sat down and went through literally everything with the new school, they were surprised but very understanding and helpful. I feel we are going to finally get the support we need with Georges schooling.

Just waiting to see the Psych consultant again. I'm almost sure he has Asbergers. The symptoms all add up and are more pronounced now that George is older. Waitning to see what the Dr says.

Oh, and no result on the rain MRI yet so I guess no news is good news.

Through all this, Steve has been extremely supportive. I couldn't have got the shop going without his help and also the emotional support he has given me recently. Poor thing really does have to put up with an awful lot with me and my kids! He has got to be a saint for still sticking around! We have been together for just over a year - doesn't time fly? So much has happened in that year.

I suppose I prefer the hectic life, can't say I have a boring life! That would drive me potty!

Very Proud Parent!

2008-08-26T20:15:00.003+01:00

Becky got her exam results. She took her GCSE's a year early as she is one of the brighter ones at school.
She got: Maths - B grade
Food Technology - A grade
Physical Ed - C grade
Expressive Arts - C grade
Geography - C grade
Additional Science - B grade
She did get a 'D' in French but we aren't worried about that one!

I am very proud of her and hope she continues the hard work when she does her A levels.
Her job ideas change frequently so I'm still not sure what she is working towards, but at the moment she wants to be a midwife. That may change next month tho!

I have the keys to my shop now. We have spent the past 2 weeks decorating and are now down to the last 2 sheets of wallpaper to do. I have got to get some more as we ran out just before we finished!
The electric goes on tomorrow, I hope! That's a long story!
Carpet goes down on Friday so we will be left with just the fittings to do - more stands, curtains, counters etc, all the fiddly its!
There is so much to get and I keep thinking of other things to get that we have forgotten.

If all goes to plan, we are planning the grand opening on 6th September but we still may put that back a week. Will keep you posted.

Not much other news really. Just been working hard on the shop. It's almost like I'm working full-time again! But not getting paid for it! Just want to get open and have an income after all this time without!

Plodding on!

2008-08-02T06:58:00.003+01:00

Ooops! It's been a while hasn't it? I have been very busy and in the evenings, the painkillers knock me out totally so I honestly don't get much time to sit and blog.

The shop? Things are progressing really slowly. The owners of the shop we want to lease are incredibly slow and have only just come up with the management fees for us to agree to. We are in a bit of a quandary tho as there is another shop we are considering but financially that is more of a tie. I think we are going to go for the cheaoer place, not in such a good location, but start off there are reconsider after we have been trading for a year.
I just really need to get going and start bringing in some money! We have stock - my dining room is now a storeroom; and I need to have an income.

That has been a real pain too. After many phone calls and form filling, it seems that the government does not want to give me any money! Georges Disability allowance claim has been turned down. How others can claim for similar is beyond me! I can't claim Incapacity benefit or income support because I get Widowed Parents allowance.
So, this means that my current income is, that allowance, child benefit and a tiny amount of maintenance from Bex Dad. Just to pay the mortgage, utility bills, council tax etc, that amount doesn't even cover those. We still have to live and eat. I am now having to survive on around £450 a month! I really do need to get this shop going! It's a good thing I have a small mortgage to dip into to keep me going.

Saying that, we are off to Devon tomorrow to my caravan just to get a week away. I have been off work almost a year with my back and have been at home for the whole of that time (apart from those 10 days in hospital). I need to get away and have some different scenery.
Unfortunately, it's just me, Steve and George going. Bex has decided not to come this time so is going to stay with my sister. At least I won't have to deal with arguing kids!
As usual I bet I will be up early with Lenny to let him out - that's why I'm sitting writing this at 7am! Once he goes Maggie follows and once I'm up and awake then there is no going back to bed! Here's to a holiday with a lack of sleep!

George has now left primary school and heads off to secondary in September. He went to France with the school and had a great time. Bex has left 'normal' school and is going into 6th form. Her GCSE reults are out in 3 weeks. She now wants to be a Doctor! Probably an Obstetrition. This is a girl who hates needles so she has to overcome that and really knuckle down over the next 2 years to get into Uni! Good luck to Bex!

Lenny has been to the vet and examine for a laryngospasm, which scared the life out of us - I thought we'd lost him twice as he collapsed in my arms. But, he is fine, the soft pallate is borderline - Cavaliers can get elongated ones that can block the airway; but we are in the process of helping him to lose weight which will hopefully improve things.

As you can tell, nothing really going in the right direction yet, but life is busy and keeping me occupied. I have a new gadget to try out - a dongle for mobile internet, so am going to give that a go while we are away, so you may be lucky and get another blog soon! That will be a miracle!

I've done it!

2008-06-27T19:07:00.002+01:00

Yep, I've finally handed my notice in at work. I had a little chat with Matron who wished me luck - especially after all the bad luck I've had over the past few years. She did say I could come back on the bank if I needed to!
I don't regret handing in my notice and am sure my new venture is going to keep giving me an income.

So, what am I going to be doing?

I'm going to be opening a clothes shop. Around the area that I live, there are absolutely no clothes shops for teens to around 50 years old. I'm going to cater for them. Lots of sports wear and every day things, mainly labelled stuff cheaper than the high street coz that's what they want around here - they are a bit stingy!

Just waiting for the licence agreement from the owners and then we're going in. Have bought a few bits, cheaply too thanks to eBay! Got a till and a couple of mannequins and have also got a few items of clothes to sell on eBay. We're going to use that as a back up and sell items on there, and we're going to be setting up a website too.

I feel pretty confident that this is going to work. I'll tell you in a year!

Got it yet?

2008-06-21T20:19:00.001+01:00

Anyone guessed what I'm going to be doing yet?
No clues at the moment, just interesting to see what people would think I would do!

Big bar of chocolate to the first correct guess!

The Future

2008-06-20T19:17:00.002+01:00

While I have been off work I have had plenty of time to think about my future and where I'm going.

I have finally made a huge decision. I am not going to be returning to my work.
Over the past few years I have become increasingly disheartened with the way my nursing career has gone. Currently in my present job (when I was at work!) I can go nowhere, can't be promoted or to a higher position elsewhere. I'm just stuck where I am. Paperwork is taking over the job and becoming more important than the patients themselves it seems.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a nurse; I enjoy my job and love caring for the patients, but I think after 21 years I've had enough. Not only has nursing damaged my back, but financially I can't survive on a nurses wages.
Not one single management type person, including the Sister in charge of our department, has contacted me since I left there following my operation. Nothing to see how I am or how I'm getting on. Zilch! Another reason to feel undervalued. They are just thinking about running the business and making money. They even managed to leave me penniless due to their cock-up!

So, next week am going to have the greatest pleasure in handing in my notice. I am going to take the letter in personally.
I am really going to miss the girls I work with, they are a great bunch, but I will keep in touch with them, although I'm not the only one looking to leave.

What now?
Ah, I'm not telling you yet!
Tee hee!

It's all planned, I'm 40 and they say life begins at 40! Well, mine is changing and hopefully for the better, and best of all I'm going to be my own boss! Yay!

2008-06-13T18:45:00.002+01:00

I have been selling loads of stuff on eBay recently, just trying to get rid of unwanted things and to try to make some money to help pay the bills!
I don't sell anything expensive, infact I'm lucky if any of my items go for over £10. People do get a real bargain from me!

But, with a feedback score of only 77, I have been got by a fraudulent transaction, along with around 10 other people. Fortunately, all I had sold was a Terry Pratchett book - £4.50 in total so I haven't lost out much and it looks like around £350's worth of stuff went to the same person, who we have discovered used a stolen credit card.
I only knew about the fraud when Paypal contacted me, the victims credit card company had been in contact with Paypal.

So what is there to stop us sellers getting got on eBay? Most of the time there isn't a problem, but obviously, this one person - James, had set up Paypal funding and added his address to send the goods to.
Us sellers will probably lose out. I have been contacted directly by another seller who is going to the police but did say that they aren't really bothered by such a small amount of money. We can't turn down the bidders and have no choice as to who bids on our items. James had a reasonable feedback score which wasn't cause for any concern.

What do I do?
Do I just sit here and accept that I may have lost £4.50 or contact the police?
Do I waste taxpayers time chasing my little bit of fraud, which the police would probably sniff at anyway? I have told the other seller that if needed I am willing to help. Maybe if all us sellers got together we may be listened to
The silly thing is, James, has given us his address to send the items to so we know where he lives or has been!

In the meantime I will continue to buy and sell off eBay. I enjoy it and it is a really easy way to get rid of unwanted things and to make some money. Oh, and I only accept Paypal or Postal orders!

It's not my fault!

2008-05-31T19:00:00.004+01:00

I didn't choose to become a single mum.
I didn't choose to be left with school age kids so I can't work full time to make more money.
I didn't choose to be left with a mortgage and humungus bills to pay on my own; council tax, utilities etc.
I didn't choose to have a bad back.
I didn't choose to be off sick.
I didn't have much option but to have my operation, or else I wouldn't have been able to go back to work instead of sitting at home claiming every state benefit going.
I didn't choose to get to the stage where I have no money coming in because of one persons' mistake.

Because someone forgot to let me know and send me the right forms back in March, I am left with no money to pay bills or even do any food shopping.
I can claim Incapacity benefit, but that takes time to get the forms in the post, fill them out, track down my sick certs and get work to post them to me and then get the forms back to the right people and wait for them to make a decision on what money I can have.

In the meantime, we live off beans on toast.
Because someone fogot to do their job properly,
and because you can't do anything face to face anymore.

Due to some prat who can't drive and forced me off the road, I now have 2 flat tyres that I cannot afford to repair.
Not my fault again, yet I have lost out.
I tried the bus to get to the Dr, what would have taken 3/4 hour in total in the car, took me over 2 hours!
I havent been out of the house since!

Sorry to moan - just so fed up!

At least we tried......

2008-05-22T20:34:00.003+01:00

Thought I'd show you the above - quite apt really although I seem to have skipped a couple on the way!

I haven't really been up to doing much the past few days which is why I haven't blogged - again! I bet no-one is reading anyway, you must have given up on me by now!

So, what have I been up to? Not alot, apart from trying to save a life, trying to drive again and trying to get some feeling into my feet!

Yep, I did try to save a life and this wasn't at work.

On Tuesday I had to go to Hythe to chat to the bank - my work have totally messed up my sick pay and not sent me forms when they should have done which left me in a very difficult situation. Anyway, I made an appointment for half an hours'time so Steve and I decided to have a wander round the village. I thought That I would just pop to the puplic loos prior to my appointment. On the way, passing the entrance to the ferry we saw a group of people around a person on the floor. I didn't look to closely, but did hesitate. Thinking that there were enough people I carried on, glanced back and noticed a lady doing mouth to mouth anda man making a very poor attempt at chest compressions. Stuff my back I had to try to help, I just couldn't walk on. So, I dived into the crowd barging past people and started to do CPR with the other lady, who fortunately turned out to be a nurse too.

I have never had to attempt any of this on the street, only in a nice secure, calm, safe place at work. This was a scary situation.

A poor lady, I think in her late 70's, had just collapsed, hitting her head on the way down. When I got there, just looking at her it looked like she had no chance, she had probably just had a massive heart attack and gone.

After a few minutes the ambulance arrived and we left them to it, they found her in V.F so shocked her a few times. I didn't stay to get in the way, but I guess the poor lady didn't make it. She looked too far gone, bless her. At least we tried something, I just couldn't walk past.
Now my back is playing me up, but at least I'm alive and it's like it for a good reason. It will get better.

One day you go shopping and you don't make it back home - that's the sad thing about life.

Hobbling on!

2008-05-10T20:56:00.004+01:00

COOL DOG!

My wound has healed beautifully and the pain in my back is alot better, although I am still on pain meds. I am going to start reducing them down soon to see how I get on.

The one problem is my feet and legs. I can't walk very far without them getting weak and my feet are still numb and apparently I am still dragging my right foot when I walk. The left also won't go upright very well but is getting there.

So, trips out are limited but we have found that all the big supermarkets and other stores have wheelchairs, so Steve has been loving whizzing me down the food aisles. It's great as you can also get a special trolley that fixes to the front. We have been having fun although I really am glad that I am able to get out of a wheelchair and walk a little way unlike some people. I can now understand how tough it is being lower than everyone, not being able to reach things well and the card machines are all too high to see. I did have one lady who was very helpful and made sure that I could reach the machine ok and tipped it right down for me.

We also got a wheelchair that you can push yourself along in B&Q so while Steve, who loves leaving me in the middle of the food aisles, looked at the boring tools, I was able to whizz myself away to look at more interesting things!

I just wonder how long I am going to be like this, it is so frustrating not being able to walk far. Am seeing the consultant in just over a week so we will just have to wait to see what he says.

In the meantime just watch out for your ankles if you're shopping in my local Asda store!

Shake, rattle but not quite roll!

2008-04-23T09:59:00.003+01:00

If I could roll or jump up and down, then I reckon I would definitely rattle!

These are the tablets I have to take right now. It works out at 25 tablets a day and after filling my tray with a weeks worth of meds, I had used up 19 blister packs!

Thank goodness I don't have to pay for my prescriptions thanks to Tax Credits!

The only good thing about taking that lot, is that I can function and move around. First thing in the morning is pretty dire, although getting better day by day. Initially it was agony to move first thing at the weekend but now I can actually make it to the kitchen to take the meds rather than taking them in bed and waiting for them to kick in. Although, living in a bungalow my room is just off the kitchen so I don't have far to shuffle!

Saw the physio on Monday and have been given regular exercises, although she is keeping an eye on my left foot which isn't quite moving properly. Footdrop is a side effect of the surgery and I don't want that to become a problem so sit here raising and lowering my left foot all the time!

My wound has healed well at least!

So, I am getting there, albeit slowly, but am working hard towards getting back to work before the kids break up for the Summer holidays in July.

Home!

2008-04-20T14:08:00.001+01:00

I was finally discharged from hospital on Weds afternoon. I could have stayed another night but decided that I really wanted to be at home. It hasn't been a good experience, infact it has been pretty horrible but the big part is over with and I am getting better day by day.
I am nicely doped up on Morphine tablets and alot more to add to the concoction of painkillers. It's just first thing in the morning that I find hard and most painful, so I have been setting the alarm early and dosing myself up before I have to actually move.

Steve has been absolutely brilliant, doing all the housework - ironing, washing, hoovering etc plus helping me with those lovely surgical stockings and putting trousers on.
I just feel so helpless and am finding it really difficult to just sit here while someone else does everything around me. Going to take a bit of getting used to.
Not being able to drive for 6 weeks is a pain too - I can't pop down to the shops like before so have been sending Steve with a list of stuff we need and doing the big shop online. That gets delivered tomorrow although I do miss trundling around the supermarket!

The kids are back to school tomorrow, yay! Although things aren't looking too good for a return for George who has been suffering from a migraine this morning and actually been sick with it. I really do hope he goes back tomorrow - he needs it and so do I as so far I haven't managed to get a nice peaceful, stress free recovery.

Got physio and a wound check tomorrow so hopefully they will all be pleased with me, although I still have had to have a dressing on my wound as it is oozing a little still. I'm sure all will be fine though.

Hopefully next time I blog, I'll be stocking, dressing and walking stick free, but maybe not quite the painkillers!

Fed up!

2008-04-13T15:23:00.002+01:00

Well, I'm still here stuck in this hospital.

Things still aren't going to plan. The temperature continues and they have yet to discover the cause so I can't leave until that's sorted. The Intravenous antibugs carry on, I think I've had a total of 4 separate cannulae in the past 2 days as they don't seem to like me and start going wrong!

The leg pain continues to be very painful and causing me alot of bother so I am having lovely strong painkillers to try to keep the pain at bay. The Spinal Consultant is going to chat with my pain Consultant tomorrow so hopefully they will manage to sort something!

I thought I might get a bit of rest coming in here but no chance! All that being woken at 2am and 6am and tests etc during the day really is very tiring!

The one good thing about being in hospital is that I am getting to see some old colleagues who had left then returned and see my family who have all trecked over here to see me carry beautiful flowers and lovely cards.

Fingers crossed that I get home soon!

Blog from a hospital bed!

2008-04-11T21:31:00.002+01:00

My hospital room. That's Beckys' boyfriend in the corner!

Just a quick blog to let you know that I'm still alive! I can't say that everything has gone smoothly, just typical that things have gone wrong as I'm a nurse!
Op was on Monday, in theatre for 4 hours then ended up staying in ITU for 2 nights rather than the one that I expected.
Had a high temperature and alot of pain so epidual came down then had to go back up again.
Came back to the ward early afternoon on Wednesday.

Have been really bored but again in alot of pain and today had a long discussion with the Consultant who has ordered Oramorph and regular painkillers. Still on Intravenous antibugs coz the temp is still up and down.

Long and short of it is, I will still be in over the weekend and reviewed again on Monday. My legs don't work properly yet and the nerve pain is just terrible although after just having more Oramorph, I feel a little better and grabbed a chance to blog and Bex helped me to have a hairwash!

All I keep telling myself is that it will get better, I will get home and be running around normally soon.

There's your update! Will try to blog again but at £5 for 24hours, it won't be that often!

At least I'm blogging for a change!

2nd Anniversary

2008-04-04T22:25:00.003+01:00

Tomorrow, 5th April, will be 2 years since Bob died.
We still miss him and he'll stay in our hearts forever. xxx

Roll on Summer!

2008-04-02T09:23:00.002+01:00

Don't you just long for those lovely Summer days. This is George on Weymouth beach last Summer.
I don't do Winter and it seems that after a beautiful warm (ish) day yesterday, we appear to be diving straight back into the depths of Winter this weekend.
I wouldn't mind if we got a bit of snow down here to accompany the cold, but living so far south, we don't get it. Well, we did have a very brief blizzard a couple of weeks back but even that didn't settle. I'm just a big kid when it comes to snow and love to walk on fresh crispy snow and feel it crunch beneath my feet, but no chance. All we get (if it does settle) is soggy, wet mush!

Just give me Summer any day. The temptation to move abroad to somewhere where sun is guaranteed most of the year round and to be able to go out somewhere without having to worry about taking a brolly, is so great. Maybe one day!

In the meantime, the t-shirts come in and out of the drawer and the raincoat remains on permanent standby.

Off to immerse myself in a nice warm bath and then decide which jumper it's going to be today!

2008-04-01T17:43:00.002+01:00

Another pic of the dogs - Maggie and Lenny!

I have now been for the pre-admission tests and chat. Bloods taken and generally told what to expect and a physio chat too.

I have asked to be treated like a 'normal' patient as my speciality is Cardiac and not Orthopaedics! I know the basics but when it comes to the finer details then I am just as much in the dark as everyone else! I know I am going to make a terrible patient, not that I will show them, but I am going to want to be out of there asap and get back home. I just don't do being looked after and am going to find it very hard to sit back and watch everyone else do the work! Although I do realise that I won't be able to do much anyway so am going to have to learn to be the model patient and do as I'm told!

12.00 on Monday 7th April is when I go in and the op is that afternoon. I will try to get a blog done sometime as I'll be in for at least 5 days and be pretty bored. If I'm lucky I'll get one of the newly decorated rooms with internet access and good channels on the TV, so hopefully I'll be able to blog something.

In the meantime, life still goes on. My op coincides with the school holidays so I don't have to worry about the kids and school, although George is still not happy going. The EWO doesn't seem too concerned and is seeing him and us weekly. Admittedly he has been quite ill with a rotten cold this week and has been flaked out on the sofa which is so unusual, so I am going to try to get him in for the next few days, especially with a fun school trip on Friday.

Haven't really got any more exciting news, not much happening really, so maybe I should find something else to blog about which would be worthwhile reading for everyone instead of my ills and moans! That would make a nice change!

I'll try to blog again before my op - I really must get back into a regular blogging habit!

At Last!

2008-03-18T20:09:00.003Z

This is Lenny looking like a puppy again with one of the sticks he pinched from the bunnies!

Yet again I haven't blogged for ages! I really have been very busy and bogged down with lifes' events and I just haven't had the inclination to write it all down. Sorry!
I'll just do a quick catch up for you although it probably makes for boring reading!

George has been a huge worry and causing me alot of stress. We finally have narrowed some of his problems down and I do seem to have some help on board, at last.
We have been having huge problems getting him to school, and the child Mental Health team have been discussing him. They feel he has developed school phobia along with depression. Mainly linked to his Dads death and to him having alot of time off school following his foot operation. His headaches have continued to be a problem too and we are seeing the Neuorologist on Thursday. We now have the Educational Welfare Officer helping out and the MH team waiting to see him again, although I am going to have to cancel his next appointment due to reasons I will tell you later!
The EWO is brilliant and I am amazed at what her job entails. She can be a counsellor and problem solver, and a liaison to other sevices that can help the whole situation and the family. Let's see what happens there, just got to give it time now.
George has gone into school a couple of days, but it is a struggle and doesn't happen every day which is so frustrating. We will get there but it's going to take time.

Becky is still suffering with her back, so it looks like we're going to have to get back to the GP again and try to get to the bottom of that too. With her exmas looming, she needs to have as few distractions as possible.

Me? Things are happening at last! I saw the Orthopaedic Consultant yesterday. It was D-day. Decisions to be made. I made the huge decision to go for surgery on my back. I can't carry on like I am without any further intervention, if nothing is done then I could be like this for years.
I am booked to go into hospital to have a Spinal Fusion done on 7th April. It is a huge operation, hours on the table, ITU for a night and 5-7 days in hospital afterwards. Not much fun, but I know it is going to be worth it, just to get back to work and normality. I really can't wait!

I have had the greatest support through all my recent stresses from Steve. He has been really great and has taken all the worry about getting the kids sorted and the animals cared for while I'm incapacitated. I wouldn't manage it without him.
Poor thing really didn't know what he was letting himself in for when he met me but he has slotted in so well and amazing at how he has put up with so much. I am very lucky.

Maybe I will have some normal everyday things to discuss with you soon.....hopefully!

Grrrrrrrr! Flippin' NHS again!

2008-02-26T16:54:00.003Z

We're still waiting for Beckys' X-ray appointment. That's just over 3 weeks now. I have tried phoning the GPs surgery who have a new automated phone system. Each time I go through to the office to ask for advice and a way of speeding up the process, the phone just rings and I get the answer machine - even in the supposed open hours. Grrrrrr!

Mind you, even private healthcare doesn't come quickly. My Consultant is away so I can't see him until 19th March. Oh and my outpatients allowance has run out so I'm going to have to pay! Ho hum!

Been down to Weymouth during the school holidays and actually managed to do a cache although it was a very easy one, not far from the harbour. I can't really cope with walking much further than that!

The bunnies are now in a new ultra big hutch outside during the day, but I am still bringing them in overnight while the temperatures are still dropping. Anyone know if it would be ok to let them stay outside indefinitely now bearing in mind they have lived indoors all their lives and might not be acclimatised? I just want to get rid off the mess in Georges' room asap! My hoover is going to have a breakdown otherwise!

Oh, and I might be doing a Public address again! I used to present for Hospital Radio at runs, fetes etc but that all stopped a few years ago. I've been asked by an ex fellow presenter to join him to do the PA for a run we used to cover. Sound like fun to do that again! I think I will phone him tonight and say 'Yes!'

Diagnosis - At Last!

2008-02-13T09:31:00.002Z

I had the discography done on Monday. As expected it really wasn't very nice, but it was worth it. The Dr tested the 2 dodgy looking discs and both times they caused the pain across my back. The outcome? I have a very large tear in BOTH discs. Not just one, I had to go the whole way and damage 2 discs!
After all these months of physio, scans and being told my back pain will improve once the pain channels have been blocked, I now know that after all that, the pain won't get better on it's own.
Now I have to wait for the surgeon to make a decision on what he is going to do, surgery really doesn't seem thrilling but I now know it will be necessary.
On the plus side, it does mean that my back is repairable and once sorted I will be able to get back to work and relative normality. I can get back to geocaching, walking the dogs, decorating the dining room but best of all, get off these horrible tablets and feel alert and human again!

As expected Georges neuro appointment isn't until 20th March! We are having alot of problems with him and getting him to school is very difficult. He is woken every night with his headache and then feels so grotty in the morning when he has to get up. I do suspect that is headaches are an excuse sometimes but he normally sleeps through anything so if he is woken by them then they must be genuine at night. A whole month until we can sort out this problem.

Even more annoyed with the NHS as we are still waiting for Beckys' x-ray appointment for her back. She has even suggested going to Casualty to get one done then but that is abusing the system and being a pain too. Although I can see why so many people choose to do that due to the terrible waiting times. We may still do that depending on when the appointment is likely to be.

Why do people have to suffer for so long before being seen by the NHS - it's a terrible system. Unfortunately my private healthcare doesn't cover the children, just me and I can't afford to pay for their own scheme. Healthcare is very choosy!

Just one more medical thing! I don't think I have mentioned that we now have 2 rabbits - both cute little dwarf ones, Sophie and Cisil (the kids named them!). Yesterday we got Cisil castrated so they can soon go in together. Poor little thing! He's ok now though, just probably a little sore!

One day, hopefully, we might make a whole month without anything medical happeneing!

We're Falling Apart!

2008-02-06T21:42:00.000Z

After numerous phonecalls between 2 private hospitals, secretaries and x-ray departments, I have finally arranged the discography. The referral had gone to a different hopsital where the Consultant works so they seemed to assume I wanted the procedure done there. Nope, I want to be with people I know and where it's more convenient! Also my own hospital can do the procedure on Monday 11th whereas the secretary at the other place was still waiting for theatres to get back to here with a date and time. I wonder how much longer I would have had to wait if I hadn't sorted it all myself? This is supposed to be private healthcare too!
12.00 on Monday I go in to have more pain inflicted to my back, this time nicely sedated though. Steve is going to hang around for the 4 hours and drive me home after - any excuse to drive my car! (He is insured!)

Have been trying to get George his Neurology appointment too. Still not heard anything, it's getting a bit silly - the General hospital was supposed to phone me back to make an appointment and still haven't. How much longer has he got to miss school and carry on suffering? Bet he will have to wait 3 months before being seen too.

It's bound to be a similar story with Becky too.
For a week she has been complaining of lumbar back pain - infact apart from the leg pain, her symptoms are very similar to mine! She can't recall doing anything different or hurting herself but it did start after trampolining which she has done for years. She has been in alot of pain with it though.
Going to my second home, the GPs surgery, she has been given stronger painkillers and they have referred her for an x-ray. The convenient local hospital won't x-ray her because she's still classified as a child at 15 but is taller than me and the GP! So, we have to go to that wonderful General hospital too! Oh, and yes, we have to wait for them to send us an appointment for x-ray as well. That'll probably be in August at this rate!

We are definitely all falling apart! Not a healthy start to 2008!

More Doctors!

2008-02-04T19:59:00.000Z

Private healthcare is supposed to be quicker than the NHS. Well, I'm still waiting for the discogaphy after being told by the Consultant that it would happen in 1-2 weeks. It's now 2 weeks and I haven't heard anything. I phoned the secretary today who confirmed a letter had gone off to the radiologist. We tried getting hold of the x-ray department but it was busy so I'm going to have to try myself tomorrow!

George has been keeping me busy, and awake! We saw the Psych doctor on Thurs and after chatting about the side effects of the Atomoxetine - very sleepy mainly, we agreed to try Ritalin. So George is on 1/2 a tablet a day for a week then gradually increase. Obviously after only 4 days on it and on a low dose we haven't seen any improvement so there is still time.

The one worrying problem with George is that he has been suffering with nasty headaches since the beginning of January. We have seen my GP twice and tried anti-migraine pills and also taking him of the Atomoxetine and still the headaches continue. He is woken by them every night, so every night I'm up with him getting painkillers and an ice pack. The headaches continue during the day too so I phoned the surgery and insisted on another appointment TODAY! We got to see a different GP and have now been referred to a paediatric neurologist. Just got to ring up to get an appointment tomorrow - that's the system they use in this area. It's called 'choose and book', where you are registered on the system and given a code for when you call. Normally you can choose where to be seen but seeing as though neurology is only available at the General hospital, then the 'choice' is there!

At last something is being done, even if it does rule out anything at least we are getting somewhere.

Still In Limbo!

2008-01-23T09:02:00.000Z

Still no definite news, so my life is still in limbo!
Saw the Spinal surgeon again, who I know pretty well anyway, through work.
The next step is discography - they stick a needle into the discs to see if that reproduces the pain and symptoms under x-ray. It doesn't sound very nice and could be painful to have done although they do sedate you. Hopefully, I can have that done within the next couple of weeks.

Beyond that is surgery, a spinal fusion, which is a huge op.
All I want is to get back to normal, get off the meds and stop being so dopey! I just want to be able to do everyday things and especially get back to work. That's my aim.

so, no further forward at the moment. Just not looking forward to the discography!

Another Birthday!

2008-01-21T20:56:00.000Z

Happy Birthday Steve! 44 today! Getting older, but not greyer!

We went out yesterday for a very nice family meal to celebrate Steves' birthday. TGI's are great for embarrassing people by making the birthday person stand up with dessert and candle and have the whole restaurant sing 'Happy Birthday' to them. The kids couldn't keep their mouth shut and kept reminding the waitress. he didn't get away with it and got suitably embarrassed!
We all had a nice time though and came home stuffed full of yummy food.

Am spending life totally zombified at the moment, thanks to the new tablets, but they do seem to be helping my leg pains alot. Don't know what is worse, the pain or feeling totally out of it! I am finding the side effects a little wierd especially when they make my speech funny and I have a job talking! Some would say they wouldn't notice the difference, I guess!

Tomorrow is the big decision day. I have decided that I really hope we can go down the operation route, but will just have to see what my options are, if any. Will keep you informed!

In Limbo

2008-01-18T22:08:00.000Z

Have seen the Pain Consultant. She hadn't done much so am having to wait longer. She took my scans round to the Spinal Surgeons' secretary while I was there so I know the referral has been done now. I have been given more painkillers for the leg nerve pain, but they are very potent and look to have some terrible side effects. I've been wanting to get off my meds to reduce the drowsiness etc but the Gabapentin is reknown for making people drowsy. So I'll be even more comatose in the evenings now.
What did show on the scan is that my back is slightly worse, 2 discs are protruding more and annoying the nerves which affect the legs which explains the leg pains and the numbness on my right leg. She told me that I shouldn't be doing my nursing job with a back like mine.
So, not good news.
I heard back from the Surgeons secretary today and am booked to see him on Tuesday.
In the meantime I'm in limbo waiting to see where my life is going.
If I can have surgery then I will eventually be able to return to work and normality following recovery. If surgery isn't an option then that is when the problems start. I will need another job and a huge lifestyle change.
Tuesday will be the day that decides my future.

I've been off work since the beginning of September - almost 5 months, so obviously my work sick pay isn't for ever. I can manage for a short time and the mortgage company is being helpful but along with a few other financial problems that are out of my control things may start to get tough. I'll do anything to get back to normal, so if I have to have surgery, then that won't be a problem.
Not a good start to 2008 for me!

Things have settled a bit with Madam, I've even helped her with her GCSE science revision and she's let me straighten her hair, so we are gradually moving forwards. She has her exam on Monday so is going to stay at my sisters this weekend to study there in peace.

So sorry, still got to keep your fingers crossed for me until Tuesday - don't get cramp!

Aches and Pains!

2008-01-16T09:12:00.000Z

Just recovering from that horrible flu bug that's been going round. Seems that everyone I know has been suffering with it but as usual us females still carry on day to day helped by dosing up!

George has been suffering too. He had a migraine every day for almost a week, so took him to the Dr on Monday and he's now on regular medication. He seems to get alot of migraines, almost one a week normally so it's about time he was sorted out. Poor kid didn't really have a chance really as my grandmother, mother and myself all suffer(ed) from migraines and so did Bob and his grandmother. Mine seem to be changing as I get older. Going from severe headache only to vomiting with them (and lots!). They're horrible if I get one now and unfortunately I don't get any warnings so can't hold them back.

Getting my scan results tomorrow. Everything is hanging on those results. I'm really not sure what is going to happen about work and getting really worried about it now. The Consultant has mumbled about maybe not returning to the job I do now and maybe making changes. I have run out of sick pay now - they only pay sick pay for a certain amount of time depending on how long you've worked for them. So, from the 1st Jan I'm not being paid so that's a huge worry too. What am I supposed to do though? I don't have any choice and if Occ Health say I can't work then I'm stuck. I'd be back tomorrow if they'd let me. So, tomorrow is going to be the big day and will just have to see what happens. I just have a feeling that I'll be told they can't do anything and I will have to live with my back as it is. We'll see and I will let you know.

Still having a stressful time with the teenager! She's not a bad girl, stealing, hanging around drinking etc but just a moody teenager. Against the world and everybody, except the boyfriend! Just tough putting up with it all. She's been affectionately called Madam since she was little as she has always been one! She's definitely living up to that nickname!
Steve has been very supportive, he's really been thrown in the deep end with my kids, but seems to manage well and it's so good to have someone that can really see what's going on behind closed doors rather than hearing it from madam!

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Local Shop for Local People

2008-01-08T20:11:00.000Z

The area I live in is known as the Waterside. Just outside Southampton and made up of villages that run alongside Southampton Water and into the Solent. It's a friendly area and customer service is always more personal than in a big town.

A few months ago, infact nearly a year ago, I took my engagement ring into J Collins and Sons jewellers in Hythe to be resized. Having lost weight and the ring has always been slightly loose, it was time to get it sorted. The resizing was done and I continued to wear the ring as usual, until one awful day in May I glanced down and noticed that the emerald had fallen out.
I was really upset as it was the ring that Bob had given me. I considered claiming on my household insurance and started to go through the process but didn't really do anything for a while. Maybe it was because the ring wouldn't quite be the same one with a different stone in it. Last week I decided to see what I could do about the stone, it would be nice to get the ring back on my finger. I went into the jewellers and explained the situation to the very nice lady in there, explaining they'd resized the ring, how long ago and the fact that the emerald had then fallen out. I only wanted to find out my options and how much a replacement would be. After a quick chat with the boss she came back - they are replacing the stone for free! I didn't show proof of the resizing or anything, just explained what had happened. I really can't believe what great customer service that is. It won't be cheap for the replacement and I didn't even ask for them to do anything about it. But, I am so pleased that I am getting my ring back in one piece.

George finally has had his plasters off. The wounds are healing well but he has some rigid foot slints to wear at night. He tried them last night and I was woken by him crying as they were really hurting his legs, so I gave him paracetamol and we took the splints off. He has to wear them at night for 3 months so I have bought some long socks to try tonight and we may have to gradually build up the time. He is having to learn to walk properly now, he has never walked normally and he is finding it very strange and uncomfortable. Going to call his physio tomorrow and get some exercises sorted. But, it looks like everything has gone well and we are going in the right direction.

Have had a few teenage problems with Becky recently which has caused a bit of a stressful time, but I have burnt friends' ears and chatted with my parents and so has Bex, and we may be able to get thru things. Teenage girls are a nightmare!

Going to call my Consultant tomorrow too, as I have received my scans back (private hospital policy) so she must have the results and work need to know what's happening - and me too! I have had a look at the scans but can't really see much difference from last time but I'm no expert and am not sure what I'm looking at! I'll leave that to the professionals but wish they'd hurry up and tell me!

Whale on Fire!

2008-01-02T17:14:00.000Z

..........that's what probably went on the fire brigaides report on the callout recieved from our house at around 00.30 on New Years morning!
We ended up with Dee, Darren, Nathan, Bobs parents and their friends around mine for a New Years eve get-together.
We all were having a lovely time and Steve and I had splashed out on a rather nice rocket to send into the air just after midnight.
Steve and Darren lit the firework, but rather than whizzing gracefully into the sky, it exploded on the ground with a huge bang and lots of little burning bits flying everywhere. Once we had recovered from the huge noise I noticed a glow of light coming from behind the hottub. Becky panicked and called 999 without telling anyone, while Steve and Darren chucked water from the tub on to the now melting and on fire, rubber whale that sat behind the tub!
I got Bex to cancel the firemen but they still insisted on coming round to check all was ok. Not that us girls minded a load of men in uniform arriving. But, I bet they had a bit of a giggle when they had to file the report of 'whale on fire!'
The celebrations continued without any further trouble and we all had a nice merry time. What an interesting start to 2008!

Mind you, the last time we had a get-together here. we had the ambulance, this time, the fire brigaide. Don't think I'll do another one as I don't really want the poilice arriving or even the coastguard!

We did have a lovely Christmas and it was nice and relaxing being just us here on the day. Spent a couple of days at my parents and also had a lovely time there. So it wasn't too stressful at all.

So 2008 is here. I guess 2007 wasn't too bad, apart from being off work with my back and I did get to meet Steve in August, who has been the best thing to happen to me all year. I still think of Bob every day and won't ever forget him, but Steve has made me very happy and given me a future back, I'm glad I met him.
This coming year should be interesting as I embark on a new life, so I will try to keep you all updated a bit more regularly this year!

Wishing you all good health and happiness for 2008 xxx

SEASONS GREETINGS!

2007-12-20T17:53:00.000Z

George is well on his way to recovery. Despite having both legs in plaster, he is up and mobile and has been to school, well, just for one day! He is doing great and hasnt needed a wheelchair, just a granny zimmer frame which he used for a couple of days. We did borrow a wheelchair from my Mum so we could get out and about and that did prove very useful when we popped into town last week. It was great fun whizzing thru the crowds and we only hit a couple of ankles!
Mind you, it was very noticeable how nosy people are. Everyone stared and just had to look to see why he was in a chair, but we have only had the odd comment from people who are horrified to see both legs in plaster and seem to think he has had a disasterous game of football! I think he quite likes the attention anyway! Plasters are due off on 7th January so only 4 weeks and not the original 6 that we were told. Than we'll see if it's all been worth it.

Becky has finished her mocks. She got a 'B' in science which is good, but failed Maths dreadfully. I'm sure she will still get put forward for the GCSE but I think it's time to sit her down with my Dad, who used to teach O level maths and got me through mine. I'm sure she is going to do fine in the main exams, so I'm not getting too worried yet.

I went for another MRI scan on Tuesday. The pain consultant wants to see if anything' changed, especially because the injections haven't worked. She is going to have a chat with the surgeon too to see if that may be a way to go. So, just sitting here waiting for the results, which are obviously going to take a while due to the festive season.
Popped into work today to hand in the sick certificate and to catch up with everyone. I really do miss it. They were busy as alot of people were off sick which made me feel even more guilty. It was so tempting to offer to take a blood or answer the phones but I just wasn't allowed. Although I did man the Outpatient reception for a few minutes to allow a colleague to go to get a cup of tea and the loo! Got a couple of strange looks as I was in civvies! Glad to help though.

So, only a few more days to Christmas. I braved Asda today and have done the final shopping bits. Well. I only popped in for a few bits and ended up spending £170! I really didnt fancy having to go back to a supermarket til after Xmas, today was busy enough, so decided to get everything I needed so won't need to worry now.

For the first time ever, I am cooking Christmas dinner at home. It's just me, the kids and Steve, but I think I have catered for twice that! We're going to my parents on Boxing Day, Dads birthday too, and seeing my sister there for a while. It will be so nice to catch up with her and meet their new puppy. Might get a bit stressful with 4 kids, 5 adults and 4 dogs, one of which is the psycho Jack Russell and a puppy that still isn't housetrained! Should be fun!

The big thing though, is that we have been invited to Bobs' parents on Sunday for a meal. That includes Steve! Bobs Mum is fine but I think his Dad is still finding things difficult. The good thing is that they have also invited Dee, Darren and Nathan too, who are very good friends of ours, so I think that is going to help. Going to be a difficult meal but hopefully it will go ok. It is nice that they are trying to accept Steve but I can understand how hard it must be for them.

I suppose I had better get on and do some pressie wrapping. As usual, I have gone overboard with the kids, can't help seeing little things and getting them, but that does mean I have loads of wrapping to do. I really don't want to leave it to the last minute this year!

If I don't blog before, I wish everyone a VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS - eat, drink and get very merry coz I intend to!
Catch up with you all in the new year. xx

Bored. bored, bored!

2007-12-05T09:13:00.000Z

Still off work. I am soooooo fed up now. The injections have done nothing so I am still in pain and dosed up to the eyeballs with painkillers every day. The physio reckons I need another MRI scan, so I'm booked to see the pain consultant next week, will just have to see what she says.
I am so desperate to get back to work. I miss the girls I work with and I miss the actual work. At the moment I just can't see when I will be able to return, and saying I'm fine just doesn't cut it with the Occ health nurse! She can see right through me. I'm seeing her again tomorrow, hopefully, if I can escape for half an hour.

No, I'm not escaping from home, George is having his foot operation tomorrow so I have booked an appointment as late as possible so I won't have to abandon him when he needs me. Steve has offered to sit with him while I go which will help alot.

George has really taken to Steve and says he feels really comfortable and likes it when Steve stays over. He's even had him playing on the Wii and Top Trumps, so that's a good sign.
Becky is a bit different though and taking time to adjust. She does like him and asks him to join us on family occasions so we are getting somewhere.
She is just being the typical teenager at the moment and I have been having loads of problems with her telling people allsorts of fabricated stuff, which has caused me alot of upset. Teenage girls are horrible!
Got to give her support at the moment though. She's taking her mock GCSE's this week and is nervous about them. Doesn't stop her blasting here music out and sitting chatting to MSN friends when she should be revising! Oh, and she turns 15 on the 10th so we still have a long way to go! Aaaaaargh!

Christmas is fast approaching, but this year I have been ultra organised due to George having his op. I have almost finished all the Xmas shopping except for 2 small pressies and for the first time we are spending Christmas day at home and I'm cooking! I have bought tons of food, even the turkey! Just got to get the veggies nearer the time.

So, as you can tell, life isn't getting any quieter, it's going to be difficult to get out and about now with George having both legs in plaster, but I am very tempted to hit the shops with him in a wheelchair to get my own back and barge straight through everyone like they normally do to me!

Will let you know how George gets on, and I'll try to be back before Christmas!!

Oooops! Sorry! (again!)

2007-11-05T19:17:00.000Z

Sorry, I'm really getting terrible at this blogging lark - so unreliable which is not like me. All I can say in my defense is that I have been busy, ill and resting!

I am still of work because of my back, even with the epidural and the other injections, I am still in discomfort particularly when the Tramadol starts wearing off. Started physio, but at the moment all I seem to get is nagging about my lifestyle and have to make changes. As a single parent with 2 reluctant kids, how on earth can I not do ironing, hoovering, shopping, putting bins out etc etc? It is all very difficult especially learning to look at the carpet and think, no, that can wait!
Had a really rotten cold too which wiped me out with a terrible cough but it's nearly gone (after 3 weeks!) and I just have a runnier nose than usual now!!

Steve has been a real godsend though and has been helping me out as much as he can, but that hasn't quite extended to cleaning the loos and hoovering the whole house!

More physio this week and seeing Occ Health again. Am written off til the end of next week so hope she has some better news for me this time.

Our village managed to get itself on national news, but unfortunately not in a good way. A bunch of local youths set upon an innocent man who was working aboard a ship that docked close by. Those b******s kicked the poor man to death. It all happened just behind my house although we didnt actually hear anything. I'm so grateful that Becky isn't the sort of girl that hung around with the kids at the local bus stop. They were there every evening before, now the village square is empty of teenagers in the evening. So terrible that there had to be such a tragic event in our peaceful little village. It could happen anywhere.

Becky took a break with my parents while George and I went to our caravan for a few days to sort it out and drain it down for Winter. Steve even managed to join us for a couple of days too. The bad news though, was that my van had been broken into again. One of the windows was damaged and the blind on the door was too. Couldnt work out what had happened at first until it dawned on me that the small awning and a single duvet had gone. The park owner swears that it couldn't have happened in his newly barricaded compound (due to the break-ins last year) and that it must have happened when we left in the evening in August and the van was left on the pitch overnight. I now know that it was in the compound as the Caravan Man went in to mend the previously broken windows and said he left everything in order. It looks like it was probably a fellow caravanner who must have got in thru the gate to the compound (that's just a normal 5 bar gate with no defences)I am really not happy and am considering moving the van to another place, maybe even at home if I can.

Got persuaded to have a fireworks 'do' last night - we seem to have started a tradition of doing one every year! Just Dee and Darren, ma-in-law (Linda) and us inc Steve - the first meeting of Steve and ma-in-law. We all were having a lovely time until Linda had a nasty slip up and ended up falling onto hard tarmac. She 'went out' very briefly so the others called an ambulance. What a rotten end to a lovely evening. Linda was checked out by a rather nice private paramedic (he usually works in Cornwall) and fortunately had done nothing serious apart from bruising. She is ok now but still a little shaken up. I am extremely proud of Beckie who sat with her, holding her hand and chatted away to reassure her. She was brilliant!

George is going into hospital on 22nd November for the op on his feet - not long now and we will have him sitting nice and still for at least 6 weeks! He has started the new medication which is starting to kick in a little - he is getting tired in the evenings (a side effect) and getting to bed early! Yay! Still a right pain to get up in the mornings tho!

Still happy with Steve and managing to spend alot of time with each other. He has even seen one of my moods and not done a runner!

Let's see when I next manage to blog! Sory!

Woo hoo!

2007-10-04T09:17:00.000+01:00

Haven't been that well recently. I guess I must be that run down that I catch anything going!
Had another rotten migraine last Friday, one where I wake with the headache and then spend the rest of the day throwing up. My migraines seem to have changed as I get older and they are worse than before, I never used to get that sick with them, but I do now! Yeuch!

Started on Df118 as prescribed by the consultant, was fine for the first day then the itching started followed by a rash! It wasa horrible. Obviously, I am allergic to them so after a few emails, I am finally on Tramadol, which are extra strong! Woo hoo! Have just spent the past few days in a drug fuelled daze. Not bad, and the pain is almost gone! Having the epidural and facet joint injections tomorrow, which wont be much fun but hopefully they will help get me back on my feet.
I am so lucky to be able to have private treatment. Just a quick word with the secretary, followed by an email to forward on, then a couple of personal emails back from the consultant telling me what to do. Armed with a print out of those, I saw the GP who prescribed the different meds. So easy and no fuss. I can't complain. I do feel sorry for those of you that have to rely on the NHS, why can't the treatment and processes be just as easy? I have always said that if you can ever afford those extra few pennies a month for a private policy, then do it, it really is worth it.

Meanwhile George is sitting on the NHS waiting list for his feet. the admissions office called me yesterday to ask if we would take a short notice booking. Of course we will, just to get it over and done with. They did offer me this Friday (tomorrow) but not with the same Consultant. Can't do it anyway coz it's my turn for treatment this time!

Steve has had flu, not just man flu, real flu! He spent 2 whole days in bed, mine of course, which was a bit of a pain. Actually a bit of it may be man flu as I have similar and feel dreadful, but being a parent and running a house, there is absolutely no way that I can lie in bed all day! I did try to grab a couple of hours or so yesterday as I felt really lousy and absolutely wiped out, but it didn't happen! On a normal day it is quite quiet chez mine, but of course yesterday the phone rang 3 times and the doorbell went 4 times! Ha! Someone definitely doesn't want me to recover from this! I still have to get up in the morning to get the kids to school, and drive the car. I swear I am not safe to drive on the tablets and with this rotten cold wiping me out, but it has got to be done! Good thing I know where I'm going and it's just up the road. Just have had to aviod going any further if I can.

Hope tomorrow goes ok, I hate being the patient especially as I know all the staff that will be looking after me! Better make sure I have my best knickers on!

Fed Up!

2007-09-27T13:25:00.000+01:00

I'm still off work and will be for at least the next 2 weeks. Not happy.
Saw Occ health last week who told me that I wasn't fit to work and couldn't say when she thought I would be able to return.
I finally saw the Pain consultant yesterday. Have been well and truly nagged. Got to slow down a bit and not worry about housework and stuff not getting done. Steve keeps telling me to just sit down and rest but as soon as he disappears off out comes the hoover etc and I'm off! But I have now been told to stop doing that!
I am having to have another epidural along with some facet joint injections too (they are the sticky out bony bits on the spine) as that area is all inflammed too on my lower back. She also increased my drugs to DF118 (dihyrocodeine) which are alot stronger than the standard co-codamol I've been having. They absolutely wipe me out! 2 twice a day and I'm so woozy! Nice though and they do lessen the pain too so guess they work ok!
Then physio again 2 weeks after the injections. So, no sign of work for at least the next 3 weeks. I am getting so fed up and really want to go back. Am missing the girls and the work too, I do enjoy my job so am not sciving off!

Georges blood results came back fine so just waiting for the Psych dr to organise the prescription. Soon I hope as he has been a real pain recently!

Have bought a personalised number plate too! It's a good one, just got to send the paperwork back and it's mine. Bet you can't guess what it is! It's not my name or initials but it is a fun one as they have just released a load of coveted numbers so I snapped one up. Photo of it on the car to come when I get it.

Steve has been here lots and has been so lovely helping me out with lots of stuff, including nagging at me to stop! I've even had to insure him on my car as driving is proving to be a painful experience for me right now so he is even chauffeuring me around everywhere.
We are still happy together and he is putting up with me when I'm grumpy coz of the pain and dropping off to sleep in the evenings due to the tablets! He hasn't seen the worst temper yet and hopefully he won't for a while but missed a good one when George played me up the other day! He was there to pick me up from the aftermath though!

Off to a Clairvoyant evening tonight so hopefully that will be interesting. Will let you know if anything spooky happens!

Drugs again!

2007-09-14T09:59:00.000+01:00

My back is still bad. Have been off work since the beginning of last week. Have now got an appointment to see the pain consultant again but that's not until the 26th. Also have to see Occ health again on the 20th but not really sure what she can do for me. Been dosing mself up again on codeine which does help a bit but knocks me out - not good for the start of a relationship. They make me really drowsy and I keep dropping off to sleep on the sofa at night! Not very romantic eh?

Things are going good with Steve and he has been really good with helping me out. The important thing is that he does make me happy and it feels nice to have someone to take care of me for a change. He is very tolerant of George but has yet to experience a major tantrum and me shouting at the kids! They seem to be better behaved when he is around! That's a help too!

Have seen the Psych dr again and we have agreed to try the medication for George. I took him for his blood test and he was very brave and good so had a burger for a treat. Just waiting for the blood results and then we can start. I think George really knows that this is the option now and is willing to try to see what difference the meds make. Let's hope we can get things started soon.

Had a lovely weekend at Weymouth and Steve seemed to go down well with the parents which is good. Spent Sunday sitting on the beach, probably the last chance to do that this year. It was just nice to see Mum and Dad again although Mum is still unwell and wasn't having a good weekend.

Not much news really as haven't been up to doing much due to my back. Might just do a general blog next time!

Surprise!

2007-09-06T15:37:00.000+01:00

See, I can do it! Just a matter of grabbing some time to myself and typing some words!

Not been a very healthy household tho. George went back to school on Tuesday, but has been off ill ever since! Has been seen by the Dr as he has been complaining of abdo pain. Not sure what it is but sounds like it could be a virus that's going round - even my hairdresser has it but he still managed to do a good job this morning, thank goodness!
My back has been really playing me up too, don't know what triggered it as usual but have been very uncomfortable walking so have been dosing up with the stronger painkillers which do help but don't make me very sociable! They just make me want to sleep! Nice tho but not very romantic when Steve is around! Going to have to make an appointment with the pain Consultant again - more injections this time :-(

Football training for George is cancelled tomorrow evening and no matches on Sunday so we have decided to go to Weymouth - introducing Steve to the parents!!! Will be a nice weekend tho.

More going on with George too. Am getting his blood test done on Monday for a baseline. We are then going to see the Psych Dr on Tues and looking at starting him on his medication at long last. He isn't keen on the idea but I think he knows that this is the way to go now - just not too happy at having to have the blood test so a big bribe in store for him I think!
I also took advice from one of the Orthopaedic Consultants that specialises in the lower leg. I work very closely once a week with this Dr so knew he was good. Just asked for advice re Georges toe walking and he asked to see him. Apparently the physios hang on to them for too long and George is at the age now where physio is not much help and the Piedro boots he have are not recommended by the Consultant. The way forward is for George to have a tendon release done on both achilles tendons. Going to take place later this year but, it does mean 4-6 weeks in a wheelchair with both legs in plaster! No footie but he will be going into school. Funny though, he is quite looking forward to getting this op done! George plus no walking - ha! Can put him just where I want to! Good thing we live in a bungalow!

Spending lots of time with Steve and still very happy!

Going to try harder!

2007-09-04T09:21:00.000+01:00

Ok, I know, I'm useless. I don't have a huge excuse, just haven't had alot of time to myself especially to sit down and blog. So, huge apologies again but I am going to try to be a little more reliable and get on here more frequently.

Well, lots has been happening and life is heading in the right direction.
We had a lovely holiday at the caravan, managed to pick the right week to go with all that lovely sunshine. Mum and Dad joined us in their van so it was nice to have the adult company too. Still came home feeling pretty tired as the dogs did their usual thing of waking us up early. As soon as they hear anyone outside the van they want to go out so when all the early risers are up, then so are we!

Back home to the usual juggling school holidays with work, we seemed to manage ok with the odd hiccup. George went back to school today at 08.30 and Bex goes in at 13.00 so I only get 2 free hours to start with! Glad the holidays are over!

My love life has improved too! I have just let time pass to see how things will go. After being let down numerous times, I totally gave up on one who just insisted on messing me around. But, someone has appeared in my life that has made the future look rosy! I tried an online dating site and was contacted by Steve. We emailed, texted and finally met up 3 weeks ago. Since then things have just got better and better. We just seem to have slotted in together and it really does feel like we have known each other for ages. The kids like him, so do the dogs & I especially like him. He also doesn't let me down either and is very kind and tolerant of my hectic lifestyle. Also loves shopping which is a huge bonus and doesn't get fed up getting dragged round the shops looking for clothes etc! I know it's still early days but I think he will be around for quite a while! I hope so anyway!

I promise I will blog again soon!

Catching up!

2007-07-31T19:35:00.002+01:00

So, what has been happening chez Tate over the past few weeks then?
I had better warn you, if you are expecting a thrilling day to day episode of the trials and tribulations of my life then I'm afraid you are going to be very disappointed!

I have finally turned 40 - on 13th July, and had an absolutely fabbo weekend. Ma-in-law shares the same birthdate so we all went out for a meal to a local pub to celebrate on the day itself, Friday. Not being sure what to buy me (they didn't actually ask me!) they gave me some cash to get something for myself. That cash then duly went into the pot to pay for the meal - yep I paid for all of us!!! What a waste of time that pressie was!! Lovely meal though!

On the Saturday Jenny whizzed down from oop north and was joined by Paul who both whisked me away to an evening of ten pin bowling and a yummy meal at the Char Bar in Port Solent. That was great, apart from the bit where I had to stand on my chair and the whole restaurant sang 'Happy Birthday' - very embarrassing! I had a lovely evening with some great people and really didn't manage to get very drunk - I was just very merry!

On Sunday we headed for Calshot beach to meet up with our Geocaching friends for a bbq and some home made kite flying! We were having a very nice time until we heard the rumbles of thunder in the distance and turned to see a squall heading our way. Too far away to dash for the cars we slowly collected our stuff together and then the heavens opened. May as well have chucked a bucket of water over us all. So. everyone back to my place to dry off, lend out some clothes and to drink tea expertly made by Paul.

All in all I had a wonderful weekend, thanks to everyone who contributed to it and came along too. As for Paul - don't forget, your 50th is next!

Plodded along at work until last week and am now on leave - total of 19 days off, so we are off to the caravan tomorrow for 10 days to have a (hopefully) nice relaxing time.

Have spent a large sum of money on a new car :-) !! Decided that my Freelander has let me down once too often and having attempted before to go away with the kids, dogs and baggage etc decided it was time to sort out a new car.
Yesterday I took delivery of another car - not brand new, a 54 plate, but a very nice Grand Cherokee in Patriot blue!!
Yes, I know it's huge but I do need it! The kids and the dogs decided that, plus I need something that will tow the van when I get more adventurous. As much as I would absolutely love a sports car or even an everyday little thing, practicality yells at me and tells me I need a proper car that can help me with all that!
Actually I love it - leather heated seats, Sat nav, cruise control etc etc - all very lazy, oh and it's an automatic, which is another reason for changing cars. Now the roads are even more congested I no longer find clutch control easy due to my back problems affecting my left leg, so automatic it had to be. I'm happy now!

Now I've actually managed to blog, I'm leaving you again to disappear off on holiday! So it will be at least 11 days before I will have internet access again - can't be bothered with internet cafes and libraries and can live without my email for that time. No wifi on the camp site either although we are working on the owner!!
Just off to our caravan nr Exmouth on the usual site.
Next year I plan to go a bit further afield but find this year it is going to be harder to adjust being on my own than last year for some reason. Not looking forward to being on my own without another adult, although Mum and Dad are coming for a few days which will be nice.

Happy now, I've finally blogged something!

See you in 2 weeks!

Sorry!

2007-07-27T19:22:00.001+01:00

Busy, busy, busy!
Sorry I haven't blogged for ages! Normal service will resume soon. I have loads to tell you!
Keep an eye out for the extra long blog soon!
Sarah x

Boring? Not my life!

2007-06-20T08:36:00.000+01:00

It can never be said that my life is boring! As soon as things settle something else comes along to keep the momentum going!

We saw the Psych Dr yesterday and the nurse that has been involved with George all along. After a long chat, we have decided that the medication route is the way forward. Mainly due to the problems we are having at school. They are writing to me with the details of a couple of drugs and also to our GP. The one they want him to go on needs regular blood tests as in rare cases it can affect liver function so George will have to have a blood test before we start that one. I have forgotton the name of it now, but it's not Ritilin. It takes a little longer to kick in, so hopefully things will have improved when he goes back to school after the summer break.

That's not the unboring thing that happened though!
Last night, Becky got into one of her teenage strops while on the phone to her boyfriend and whacked her hand against the wall.
A visit to casualty and 3 hours later we walk out of there with her arm in a backslab and a hairline (yes only a little one!) fracture of a bone in her hand.
We all got to bed at 2am this morning after braving the perils of an A&E department at night!
Hey ho - what fun!

Ouch!

2007-06-18T09:18:00.000+01:00

My back is causing me grief at the moment - not sure why it's particularly bad at the moment but I'm in agony today. The rotten thing is when it gets this bad, my legs don't work properly either! So I'm dosing myself up with the painkillers and hope that it sorts itself out. Typical coz I have taken this week off to sort things out around the house and the garden. Mind you, with this glorious weather we are having, it looks like the garden is going to have to stay a mess for a bit longer!

Met up with my geocaching friends yesterday for a fabby bbq and a couple of caches. I only managed to do one as we had to leave early to pick Bex up from her Dads. This meets challenge was for all the men to bake a cake. The ladies were the judges so we stuffed ourselves silly trying each one - and very yummy they were too! Oh and Paul and I didn't eat a single piece of salad either - it was a purely meat and bun bbq - so quick and easy!

Got Georges appoinment with the 'mental health' Dr tomorrow. I hate that name as it makes him seem mad, but that's who the team is and I suppose it's a general term for all sorts of things from counselling to ADHD etc. Let's hope we reach a decision tomorrow on where we are going with him. Talking to a fellow Mum of an ADHD child, it really does seem the medication route could make all the difference with George, it's such a shame that his sweet nature and great intelligence is lost underneath his uncontrollable behaviour. Maybe we will see the real George appear soon.

I do have some news on the man front though. I had mentioned previously that I had a decision to make on the man front, and I have just let time tell which was the way to go.
I do now have someone in my life - we are taking things slowly and not rushing into anything, but are just enjoying each others company and texts etc at the moment. For those of you with curious minds, I met this man off the internet quite a while back and we started to chat lots, we met up and things have gone from there. He does make me happy and is very kind and caring, and also very good about what has happened in the past year and does understand that Bob was a big part of my life. The kids like him too which is a good thing. Just taking each day as it comes - I thought that maybe I would feel a bit guilty with someone else, but he has been very good and I don't feel that at all. I'm sure Bob will be absolutely fine about it!!

Oh, and I am going to be applying for another job! Will explain why another time!!

How much?

2007-06-08T08:46:00.000+01:00

Ok, so things have livened up a bit since I last blogged and got a bit expensive too! Thank goodness I have some more money coming in soon...

The car went wrong again. Did the school run on Tuesday afternoon and then later went to take Bex out and the stupid thing just stalled and wouldn't start again.
I ended up having to take Weds off work - now way of getting there by public transport coz we live too far out!
Eventually the car was whisked off to Land Rover and returned back to me last night by my friendly local garage man. He arrived with a bill in his hand and obviously didn't want to hand it over but he did. £581!!!! Aaaaaargh! Recovery plus a new fuel pump! I give up - stuopid car has let me down again. If I could afford to then I'd get rid of it now - just too much gone wrong. Mmmm, maybe I should keep it though as I seemed to have fixed all the problems with it so it should be ok now!! The friendly garage man (fgm) has offered me a deal which I am mulling over but have yet to decide and it does depend what he comes up with too.
In the meantime I still ahve the bill to pay, but luckily, fgm has said that I can sort the bill out when I can manage to do it. I've known him years so he knows he can trust me.

I'm also really fed up, because I had to take Weds off, and I knew that work didn't have a trained nurse for Saturday, I have now ended up working another Sat morning. Think it will be a while before I roster myself on for another Saturday!!

Becky has just taken her Science GCSE - she thinks she did ok.
Not sure if I explained before but she is in the top sets for everything, so her school run an express group scheme. The brightest kids do their gcse exams a year earlier than normal, which is what she is doing. Except for some reason they do a Science gcse 2 years earlier!
Mind you, testing her prior to the exam was interesting. Even now, after all these years I'm sure that I could pass it easily. The subject matter really seems alot easier than when I was at school - I'm sure I could do it without even revising! Hey, that's a thought......

Working a late tonight and then back in tomorrow morning - let's hope they are nice shifts - not in the mood for a busy one after yesterdays expensive day!

Boring really

2007-06-03T09:44:00.000+01:00

Nothing much to blog about really. Not alot noteworthy has been happening in my life. Just the usual work, kids arguing, that sort of thing!

Went to my parents last weekend which was a bit of a washout. Weymouth in the rain isn't so much fun, but seeing my Mum and Dad was lovely plus a brief visit by my sister and her boys made it an interesting weekend!

Work has been extremely quiet which will mean that for the next couple of weeks the wards will be really quiet too. No Consultants seeing patients = no patients to be admitted.
Friday morning saw just one eye Consultant in clinic although I was on the late shift which was a little busier.

I finally went for my appointment with the Probate Office and am now just waiting for the one Letter of Administration which I need. Out of all the Life Insurance and pension policies Bob had there was only one that needed a letter. That will be here shortly and I can finally finish sorting out my finances completely.
Mind you it has cost £91 just to get one single little letter following a 5 minute interview!

Oh well I had a spare 5 minutes so popped down into Winchester and spent more money on a couple of t-shirts from Next! Plus the £2 parking fee - that letter cost me alot more than I anticipated!

Hopefully next time I blog some interesting things may have happened that will make it worth reading!

So my life is just trudging along with nothing blogworthy happening in it!

I'm ok!

2007-05-19T11:14:00.000+01:00

I thought I ought to update everyone and just let you all know what has been going on this past week!

Only a few close friends knew why I had to visit the hospital yesterday as I wanted to keep things a little low key - but I can now say that everything is ok!
A couple of weeks ago I found a lump in my right breast, so popped along to see the GP who referred me on the fast track route to the hospital.
So along with a friend we went there yesterday. First a mammogram, which wasn't as bad as I thought it was, followed by an ultrasound and then I saw the Consultant.
The lump I can feel is more likely to be fatty tissue but he stuck a big needle in and took a few cells away to be checked, but then we all got confused! The radiographer picked up an adenofibroma (a benign tumour)but had written down the left side!
Nothing can be felt on that side but after double checking, I do have one on that side but again, it's nothing to worry about - so I can now breathe a huge sigh of relief!
I convinced myself that it wouldn't be anything serious and I was right, but you still have that little niggle in the back of your mind that it may not be - I'm one of the lucky ones.

George had a lovely couple of days on the Isle of Wight with the school - the house was so quiet and it stayed tidy for the duration. He's back now and the house is back to normal! The break was lovely!

Busy day today - got to do the food shopping, clean the house, do some ironing, clean the bbq, and try to get out to a party tonight!
It's all go as usual!

Sorry!

2007-05-12T10:16:00.000+01:00

I think I confused some people with my last post!
There is something going on in my life which is totally unrelated to the men thing, but does involve a visit to the hospital next week.

And... yes, there are 2 men in my life that I am in a bit of a quandary with for various reasons - going to have to make a choice sometime soon I think - just letting time tell I guess!

Choices

2007-05-10T16:08:00.000+01:00

Here you go Paul - I'm blogging!

I haven't really been in the mindset to blog recently due to personal events in my life. At the end of next week I will know more but at the moment I'm not saying anything about one particular thing in my life although those closest to me will find out what it is soon.

Have been having fun though - we were invited to a friends BBQ on Saturday which started at 4pm and ended at 3.30am! We had to leave briefly for Georges football presentation and then returned again at 9pm. George managed to break the football boot off his trophy within minutes of receiving it!
So 1.5 bottles of wine later, some of it thrown all over my white jeans and the rest on the carpet, we rolled back home at near on 4am! The kids were there so I wasn't deserting them. The thing is, this was a bit of a matchmaking event by friends and he's still talking to me after making a mess of everywhere!
I'm not rushing into anything yet so don't go out buying wedding clothes but I must say I had a really nice time and if someone still wants to talk to me after everything then he must be a human being!

been really hectic at work over the past couple of days - All I seem to have done is take blood - I must have removed the equivalent of a whole bodys worth of blood from people. Just call me the Vampire!

Not alot else to report really, just not been sleeping well which is so unusual for me especially as the medication I take for my back usually knocks me out! Just have alot on my mind at the moment, that's all....

2007-05-01T09:11:00.000+01:00

Have had a very busy weekend.
Started off with work on Saturday morning - we are supposed to finish at 1pm but I finally walked out of the building at 2pm - one of the Consultants had booked a patient in for 1pm - they aren't supposed to do that so we are all annoyed with him! He's a Cosmetic surgeon so I'm hoping for a freebie as compensation!
My colleague and I were discussing the parts of our bodies that we would change if we had the money or really wanted cosmetic surgery. So far I have mentally spent a fortune but there is actually a procedure I would seriously think about having if I had a spare £5000!
I know alot of people have something they would like to change but would never actually go through with it or believe in messing with nature, but my one change is because nature messed with me after having kids!
Following 2 pregnancies and weight loss, I am left with loose skin and loads of stretchmarks on my tummy - I am so self concious of it and it really does affect the clothes sizing too - I'm sure I would be a size less if I had a tummy tuck and clothes would fit so much better. Nobody sees my tummy now and I even hate to look at it in the mirror so yes, if I could I really would opt to have my tummy sorted out.
Those patients that have had it done look fabulous and clothes just look good on the them - hang just right and such lovely flat tummys!
Maybe one day.......

Sunday was still busy and we met up with a close friend and all his family - yep, his parents and his sister and her kids, for bowling. It was great fun apart from having to go to McDonalds for food after. Yeuch!

But, the most upsetting thing about the weekend was that when I arrived at the Bowling place I noticed that the emerald from my engagement ring was missing.
I haven't a clue when it fell out but must have been over the weekend at some time. I really am upset about it as obviously that was the ring that Bob gave to me. I did have my rings resized about a month ago as they were loose, always have been a little, so I thought I'd finally get them sorted. Just wondering if that may have loosened it.
I'm checking the hoover cylinder carefully every time I empty it but nothing yet - the emerald could be anywhere.
May have to make another insurance claim to get a replacement but it just won't be the same.......

Move along, not alot happening here..........

2007-04-23T20:00:00.000+01:00

Yep, not much bloggable has happened since I've been back. Pretty boring stuff really.

George went to school all week last week, slept in his own bed for 2 nights so far and happily got up for footie on Sunday morning - pretty amazing! He is still being hard work though and I have been speaking to the Child mental health team again about his behaviour. They have spoken to the school to see how things are there, and the news isn't good. He isn't behaving well and being a bit distruptive. Funny that, coz the school haven't told me that!
We now have an appointment to see the Dr in June but after having a couple of years to think and done alot of research and having to deal with tantrums, throwing things and hitting out, and also being flipping hard work recently, I think it may be time to try Ritalin.
I have tried to avoid the medication route but things are getting worse and I am actually getting quite stressed about him and his behaviour. He is very challenging now and I really need something.
I have decided to try though and we'll just have to see how things are. Can't really get alot worse I suppose!

Been busy arranging appointments and chasing alot of stuff up. Have booked the car in for its MOT, booked haircuts for the 3 of us, oh and YES! George has agreed to get his hair short again! He's been growing it and he now has this unruly mop of hair that is driving me mad, so after tons of nagging by everyone, he's going to let us get it cut shorter, yay!

Nothing else to say really - footie season is over and the team are loking for a new coach, it doesn't look like they've got one for next season - any volunteers out there?!!!

Holiday!

2007-04-14T15:25:00.000+01:00

We had a really nice relaxing time - and I think Paul survived his week with the Tates although I'm not sure he was too happy at dog sitting when Bex and I nipped into a few shops - thanks Paul!
We were thoroughly spoilt with the weather - glorious sunshine during the day for the whole week. We all look nice and healthy and have some colour on our pale skins at last! Mnd you, it was still flipping cold at night, but not wanting to be beaten, Paul & I spent a few evenings sat out gazing at the stars and chatting along with the consumption of a whiskey or 2. At one point, Paul even went and got me a nice warm blanket - must have looked a right sight sitting there in our fleeces, hats and me with my blanket! Just nice to have a quiet time to put the world to rights.

I introduced Paul to the homemade cake shop in Brixham that also sells his favourite Lyme Bay wines so we left there a few pennies less. We even managed to bag a couple of caches on the way back to the campsite too and apart from a webcam cache on Exmouth seafront, that's all the caches I did all week!

We ate very well and yes Jenny, we did actually have salad to eat every day! Paul treated us to a very nice meal at the village pub, to celebrate his new job - he had the Ostrich (yes really) and I had the swordfish which is rather yummy!

Paul (Gottleblog) is alot better about blogging individual stuff so nip over to his blog to have a good read of the rest of the stuff!
All I can say is that I had a really lovely week and am glad I had the break - George was still a pain as usual but becky was a model daughter and was great for the whole time!

I'm now sitting out in my garden enjoying the rest of the sunshine and watching the mountains of washing waving in the breeze!

We're back!

2007-04-13T20:38:00.000+01:00

Just a quick one to let you know that we're home from holiday.
Too tired to blog now following the getting up early, packing up, driving 3.5 hrs (stopped for food in the middle!), unpacking, clothes washing and dishwashing!
Back very soon with the holiday tales!
Had a really lovely relaxing time though. Just what I needed.

Where did the year go?

2007-04-07T15:18:00.000+01:00

So a whole year has gone past. I survived the last couple of days but it has been hard.
The weather has been exacty the same as it was last year - mild and sunny, that hasn't helped much. The atmosphere just feels the same and keeps sending me back to those terrible first few days. Have just felt really low and sad but I suppose that is to be expected. We have now gone through all the first anniversaries but this one has been rather difficult.
I did actually receive some lovely flowers from Bobs work - wasn't expecting to hear from them again really, a nice surprise and to know they are still thinking of us and Bob.
I took Becky to the crash site too - she hasn't been before, we had a cry but again because it was such a sunny day, bright yellow rape seed growing in an adjacent field, birds singing, no cars, out in the middle of the countryside, it just helps to know that if he had to go somewhere he did it there and not in the middle of a city or on a motorway,
We placed some red roses at the side of the road alongside some other flowers - not sure who put had put them there but nice to see someone else was thinking of Bob too.

Spent the evening with my family - Mum and Dad at my sisters house. We managed to leave George there overnight too which was nice - back there again yesterday and we all went off to the cinema to see the new Mr Bean movie - it's ok but too predictable and did have a couple of funny bits. Pizza then home.

Just getting ready to go away for the week to our caravan - feels strange because we were going to be going away at the same time last year. Mum and Dad and Paul are joining us in their vans so should be a nice week - got to be cheap though coz I am absolutely skint! Just good to have a break away though. We do need it!

Dosed up

2007-04-01T11:50:00.000+01:00

I know, yet again it's taken me a while to get to sitting down and writing another blog - sorry!
I really haven't had much time to sit at the computer recently and also haven't been feeling up to much - my brain is addled by a nasty cold! Not alot of interesting stuff has happened either so rather than boring you to tears I just havent 'written anything!

I finally got round to applying for working and child tax credits a couple of months ago. Apart from realising that I have missed out on a ton of money in the past, I am also now eligible for free NHS treatment. Even though I'm working, I hadn't realised that I would even qualify.
So, I had a nice couple of back payments from tax credits and now have a few more pennies to spend each month. Infact even though I am working, I actually do rather well out of the government now - about time after all those years of paying NI! I now get widowed parents allowance, child tax credits, working tax credits, child benefit and free NHS stuff! Just makes life a little easier for us.

Am I glad that I get free prescriptions!
I saw the pain Consultant who has now informed me that I have a tear in one of my discs and that the pain I get in my leg is more likely to be from my back rather than the S1 nerve root. She says that it will never get better and all they can do is give me steroid injections into the facet joints to help ease everything. She also told me that at the moment with everything that is going on in my life, I am not going to get much of an improvement in the pain. Stress and upset = pain blockers not kicking in.
I now have to take painkillers every 4-6 hours without fail, continue on the amitriptylline pain blockers and the happy pills.
Armed with that info I saw my GP who has been absolutely brilliant with me over the past year. I walked out with a huge prescription for all my various tablets! That included some for girlie problem things too! All in all 5 different items - at £6.80 a time that would cost a fortune! It's all free now! Yay!
I now have a cupboard filled to capacity of co-codamol tablets - so many!
But, at the moment with feeling run down with his horrible cold, my back seems to have got worse even tho I'm taking painkillers every 4 hours.
Just having a lazy day today to try to have a rest for once! Got to work Mon, Tues, Weds this week.

We are now booked to go to our caravan in Devon next week - leaving Sunday and back the following Saturday - I havent yet managed to find a local wifi connection so you wont hear from me all week - not that you will notice the difference anyway!
And, the nice thing is, Paul is joining us in his van for the week too! Mum and Dad are down for a few days too.
Just looking forward to getting away from it all especially with this week looming.....

Can you believe that on Thursday - the 5th April, it will be a year since we lost Bob in that terrible accident? I just can't believe where the time has gone.
I am starting to feel very low and am not looking forward to this week. Bex and I are going to take some flowers to the accident spot on Thurs - she hasn't been before. George doesn't want to go so is being taken out to the cinema by Stuart. Then we're going over to my sisters along with my parents for a meal together. The rest of the day I just want to have some quiet time and visit Bobs grave. That's all.
I still miss him so much.....

2007-03-16T09:02:00.000Z

Just realised that it's been over a week since I last blogged - oops!

Been very busy and have had alot of emotional ups and downs over the past week.

Saturday was a big get together with our Geocaching friends. Paul and I organised a Duck race, cache and pub meal in memory of Bob.
He would have loved it - we had great fun with the race, got very muddy and lost Bex mobile phone in the river but it was a lovely day and really cheered us up.
Bex phone is now replaced after the old one was retrieved with a net from the bottom of the water!

Sunday was not such a good day. It would have been Bobs birthday - the first one since he died. Thinking that it would be nice to get together and have a meal, my friend Dee invited us and Bobs parents over for Sunday dinner. I wasn't so sure about going as facing Bobs parents on difficult days like this make me worse, but I thought that we'd go. Not such a good idea. The atmosphere with Bobs parents was terrible - pa-in-law was particularly touchy and unfortunately the afternoon ended with everyone getting upset and walking out. Poor Dee felt terrible, but I know she did what she thought would have been nice, but in hindsight maybe it wasn't such a good idea and just confirmed the fact that ma-in-law really does drag me down too.
We have spoken since but at the moment I feel I need to keep away as she just makes me feel worse.

Update on Maggie!
The specialist vet called on Monday - all the tests indicated that she has inflammatory bowel disease - her bowel also has alot of scarring on it showing that it has been going on for a while - we know that!
She also has an excess of helicobacter bacteria in her gut too which is going to be treated with strong antibugs - and if things doesn't improve then it will be steroid treatment. Apparently the pain Mags got was when pockets of bowel got inflammed and the usual strong painkillers aren't suitable to stop it. Poor Maggie - She is so good and puts up with so much, still loving people and wanting cuddles. let's hope we can make life alot easier for her now we know what's going on.

Mind you, Lenny is off to the vet this morning, his ears are bothering him and even though I have had a good clean with some of Maggies ear stuff, he is still scratching them lots and makes this horrible squealing noise when he does it - thank goodness I've got him insured now too!

Oh and the garden is nearly finished! The brick wall is up and turf was delivered this morning, they've just got to put the fencing back up on the wall and sort the gate out! Yay!

Update on Maggie

2007-03-06T22:17:00.000Z

Maggie is home! Yay!
I had a mad dash up to Winchester this morning to pick her up before I had to get to work this afternoon. Just made it in time!

Still no firm diagnosis yet but we have a list of findings some of which could be the cause of her pain:
1. Waiting for blood test results for Adrenal gland, toxoplasma and pancreatic function.

2. X-ray showed spinal spondylosis (fusion of a couple of vertebrae) but an Orthopaedic vet has checked her out and doesn't think that is causing the problem.

3. An ultrasound showed some thickening of the gall bladder and that it was quite small considering they had starved her for the procedures. Apparently it should be slightly larger than usual.

4. The endoscopy (tube shoved down the throat!) showed some retained food in the stomach which shouldn't really have been there, and what looked like a healed stomach ulcer.
It also showed that her small intestine was a bit abnormal - flattened and smoother than it should be and it bled more than it should have done when they took a biopsy.

So, place your bets and take your pick!
We will get the blood and biopsy results later this week - hopefully we will have some form of diagnosis then.
Just on capsules to settle the stomach acid for a few days now and then we'll just have to see.

The Insurance company are going to love us though! I'm about to send them a bill for £1500 plus the £180 that I paid out last week and I'm still waiting for them to pay me back the £700 from January!

Now how do I qualify to be a vet?...........I'm definitely in the wrong job and even our Consultants don't charge that sort of money!

Here comes the rain again.....

2007-03-04T12:10:00.000Z

Maggie is still ill. She stayed at the vet until yesterday morning. She was sent home with some more painkilling injections and a diet of bland food. Good thing that Lenny is on Chappie as that is the best stuff if you're after blandness - just chicken, rice and fish in a can and cheap too! But, she still isn't well. Since we got home all poor Mags has done is whimper and just cant settle. She is walking around the whole time and you can tell she is so tired but not giving into it - she has been dropping off while standing up and then forcing herself awake again. I have given her the painkillers but they dont seem to make any difference.
Yet again another phonecall to the Vet. they had an appointment booked for her with the specialist vet tomorrow at 12.00 but I can't take her then as I'm working. The original plan was to get her there by ambulance but having spoken to them this morning, they are going to ring Winchester and try to get her in there today. Just got to wait for another phonecall.

My original plan for this weekend was to go to Weymouth to see my parents, but had to put that on hold because of Mags and also we weren't sure if footie was on or not.
So, Mum and Dad came over for the day yesterday - had a nice pub lunch too! It was really nice to see them as I haven't been able to since Xmas because of football.
Looking at the weather I was sure footie would be cancelled but we had to leave by 11.30 and hadn't heard anything. The phone went at 11am and yes, it was cancelled - talk about leaving it to the last minute - I could have told them that at 7 o'clock this morning with the amount of rain we are having!

Oh, fogot to mention before but work has finally started on the front garden! The rubble is cleared and the rest of the wall demolished. New bricks and sand were delivered on Thursday so just got to wait for the rain to stop before they can continue - at long last! Just remembered that I had better go out and cover the bricks and sand up - probably got a little too wet by now! ooops!

Not again!

2007-03-02T08:57:00.000Z

George has been off school again - recurrence of his ear infection. We have been to the GP and he's now on some more antibiotics and we have to go back in a couple of weeks for a review as she could see some strange white deposits on his eardrums! We haven't a clue what they are and she said they look like cotton wool! I have always been taught that the only thing you should put in your ear is your elbow (try it!) so have been very careful about not rooting around in his ears with a cotton bud - although when he does have a particularly oozy ear I do clean around the outside with a cotton bud, but that's it!
Not that I'm very good about applying that rule to myself though!

Had a bit of a set to with ma-in-law a couple of days ago. the old problem of the fuss she makes when she has to have the kids. It's been a problem that has been going on for years even when Bob was around. She moans or makes it obvious that she is doing us a huge favour by having the kids (it's only George now as Bex sorts herself out). She says little things and has digs about how inconvenient it is when he's off school and I have to work - as if it's my fault. She has always indicated that I should have a little part-time job while the kids are at school (like she did) and that I shouldn't have my own career. Well. thank goodness I did as we would be really stuffed now.
Even so, I just wish that she was like alot of grandparents and finds it a pleasure to have the grandkids, rather then a chore. Oh and she can't possibly do anymore than she does coz they are getting old you see, even though my pa-in-law is one of the fittest 74 yr olds I know and she is the same age as my Mum (64) who still has the kids for days in the holidays and has to cope with her emphysema too! Her closest friend has had breast cancer recently yet she still goes to stay at her daughters for a whole week and looks after baby twins! It would be great if she had George because she loves him and wants to spend as much time with him as possible, after all he is now their only heir and living blood relation, and Becky and I are the closest they have to a family. It just feels like she is doing me a great favour and that I am a bad mother for going out to work as a Nurse with odd hours! She wants me to work regular hours, but that is just not possible in my job.
Just makes moving to Weymouth to be with my parents all the more tempting!

Last night I had to take Maggie to the vet again - she has vomited and didn't eat or drink all day yesterday and then started shaking in pain again in the evening. So, whisked her off to the vet who kept her in overnight for a drip and painkillers. The vet is now going to contact a specialist vet in Winchester for further investigations as they still don't know why she gets so ill, we've never been able to get a diagnosis, even after numerous blood tests, x-rays and a biopsy.
Just waiting for the phonecall and then I will have to drive her up to Winchester.
Good grief, going to be expensive this time!

The things you hear

2007-02-24T21:47:00.000Z

You always hear of things that happen to people - but not to those people that you know or even to yourself. We carry on with our lives reading about things but not really being affected by them so much.
I think the past year has proved to me that things do happen - you hear of accidents and death involving others in the paper and on the news but believe that you and those close to you are invincible. "It won't happen to me".
Well, it did happen to me - the accident and Bob dying - never thought something like that would happen in my life.

Things have got closer to home. A close colleague has recently had contact from her Mum who abandoned her and her brother when she was 9. Her Mum left her Dad and the kids for another man and just went. V never heard from her again until last week. V has had fainting and dizzy attacks so has to go for an MRI scan so obviously people have been a little worried for her. She received a text message from her Mum while we were at work, hoping that she was going to be ok. V is now 26! Nothing until now - the poor girl was just stunned. How on earth do you react to that. She has the choice now whether to reply or to just leave everything as it was. She's not so sure - there's no animosity there anymore but what a situation to be put into.

And the story that you only hear about and don't believe it's true has happened! In the hairdressers today the woman next to me was talking about how her cat went through a 20 minute spin cycle in the washing machine - and survived! You just can't believe that would really happen! Bet the cat is all nice and fluffy now!

On a sadder note though, all those that were hoping for a better year this time, don't think it's happening.
So far this year a close friends' Father died after collapsing on the floor at home and being there for 2 days, a very close friend of my sister suddenly collapsed and died on Monday - he was 44, my mother-in-laws closest friend is in hospital after they discovered a mass on the base of her brain (the brainstem), a man that we have known through hospital radio for years lost his son in a road accident a short time ago.

Not a good start to the year, and it does happen to people you know.

Life is just so cruel.

Ear ear!

2007-02-15T08:53:00.000Z

George has been off school with another ear infection. He has one good and one bad ear, and usually gets the infection in the bad ear. This time it's in both ears.

the poor kids has had ear infections on and off for years. He had glue ear as a toddler so they put in grommets. That was the start of all the trouble. Ever since then he has had infections on and off - getting on for around 8 years now. His good ear survived ok - the grommet had to be taken out under anaesthetic but that ear has been ok. His bad ear has given him so much trouble - the grommet fell out leaving him with a perforated eardrum whcih is supposed to grow over by itself but hasn't. So the slightest bit of water in the causes an infection. The GP said that if he gets another infection they will refer him back to the hospital again. Much use that will be - they discharged him last year with instructions to go back if there is any trouble.
Looks like we could be on our way there again.

Such a shame he has to have the treatment on the NHS though. Working in a private hospital really makes we wish he was covered but they won't. The NHS is driving me potty and we have to wait ages to see anyone.
George has peanut allergy so once a year goes to the hospital to see the Consultant to have a review. We have seen 2 different Consultants so far. Prof W first, then he left so Prof H took over and then Prof W came back who we saw in Nov 2005. At the time they put George on a steroid inhaler for allergy related asthma and told us that we had to go back in June 06 which is a particularly bad time for him due to a type of pollen that's around then.
We never heard anything about the appointment as they post them off to us and all attempts top contact appts failed.
I received a letter telling me that his appointment that was due in January this year (!!!) 2007 had to be postponed coz Prof W is leaving again. Haven't a clue when that's going to be!
So the appointment we were supposed to have in June 06 that was going to be in January 2007 will probably happen a whole year after it should have been.
Isn't the NHS just so great.........

Anyway back to ears, guess who has an ear infection too? Yes, me! Goodness know show I got it but suspect I got it from George.
I have also had a bad ear following a traumatic eardrum perforation around 16 years ago. I had that repaired but still have a small hole in there. This week I have gone totally deaf in my left ear and have a terrible buzzing sound too. So I got one of the ENT Consultants who had a clinic yesterday to have a look - I now have ear drops and feel quite dizzy and grotty! Thanks George!

Poor Becky had a terrible shock on Tuesday afternoon. I was working 1-9 so she came home on her own to a scene of devastation. Poor Ralph, the newest budgie, how somehow managed to escape the cage (we still can't work out how). Maggie, the mad Boxer has been desperate to get hold of one of our budgies since we've had her. Well. she got her wish. Becky found feathers everywhere and 2 parts of budgie in the dogs bed and bones everywhere. The poor little thing must have been petrified and hopefully died from shock pretty quickly. Becky was hysterical on the phone and I felt so sorry for her so got my friends to go round to help clean up.
What a horrible thing to happen to my little budgie - just very sad.
Of course Maggie is well and truly in the doghouse now.
So now we're just left with Barney the bad tempered budgie!

It's Not Snowing!

2007-02-08T09:02:00.000Z

No doubt those of you in the UK had snow last night.
We just got rain in our village.
The thing is, I love snow! Always have - I still have the sledge that my Dad made me when I was 11 - it's been used twice!

That's because I live on the South coast with a totally different climate to everyone else.
I wanted snow - only a little bit, just enough to feel it crunch beneath my feet, but no, while everyone and everything has come to a standstill in the rest of the country, I can just sit here and feel disappointed.
This country just falls apart as soon as more than an inch of snow falls, but I really don't mind - I can drive in it, I have a 4 wheeled drive, I can walk in it - I have boots! I just wanted to see a little bit!
I just wanted to have a go at building a snowman and chuck a few snowballs at the kids! No chance here. Where I live is always slightly warmer than the rest of the country. I can get in my car in the morning for work, and drive straight off - no ice scraping for me, but 5 miles up the road I see cars covered in frost and snow.
We blame it on the huge oil refinery on our doorstep keeping us warm with it's burners and chimneys! It isn't that place that causes the milder temperatures though - it's the Isle Of Wight that does it - protects us from the elements, so I've been told. It apparently does have an effect of insulating us from the really bad weather - it does the job well too!

A covering of snow is all I ask for - we even had snow when I lived in Cyprus - you could ski in the Winter up on the mountains! But, choosing to live here means we very rarely get any of the nice white stuff. It can just look so pretty and I was desperate to get out and take some pictures but the Isle Of Wight has got in the way again!

I suppose I could get in the car and travel North to find some snow but then this country does fall apart and all the travel networks come to a standstill because they can't cope with an inch of snow. Not worth the trouble.

Oh well, that's global warming for you...........

Grrrr!

2007-02-06T08:43:00.000Z

I was in a bad mood yesterday - not sure why but everything just seemed to irritate me!
I just spent the day feeling like I could have a good argument with someone just to get whatever it was out of my system! If Bob had been here then the poor thing probably would have wished he wasn't!
Perhaps it's just hormones or the fact George has been off school again, or I just felt angry with the world in general. Think I may have been a bit tired too!
After a good nights' sleep I am feeling less grumpy today!
Doesn't happen very often thank goodness but the kids kept out of my way last night!

Yep, George is off school again. Infact I have been a really horrible Mother! He started to feel unwell on Saturday night and was still under the weather on Sunday morning, but I dragged him out of bed for football - he was not very happy!
Good thing I did really as they only had enough players for one team, no subs. Poor George could only manage to play a half of each game - he's the only goalie at the moment so another player had to take his place when he felt too rough to go on. That left them one player down on the field. They lost by 8-0 and 6-0! Oooops! Think their coach has written off this week!

Not alot else has been happening - working a late today and then early tomorrow- just hope the Consultant that hangs around sfter his clinic, doesn't do that that tonight!

2007-02-01T09:35:00.000Z

Still feeling ok - alot happier now I know which track I'm following. I'm even enjoying being chatted up by 26 year olds! It's good to know that I'm not yet past it and that one day I may have a future with someone.
Quite a few people have noticed the change in me and I feel more like myself now, although I was a bit silly over the weekend. I ran out of my happy pills so put the prescrition into the GPs on Monday morning. I started to feel really strange and realised I was was having withdrawal symptons - not a nice feeling. Got the new tablets yesterday and am now feeling alot better! Thought I would be ok for a day or so! Just shows how your body gets used to things.
I'm not quite ready to take myself off the tablets yet, going to wait for the better weather and the sun which will help cheer me up!

I've had the go ahead to get the front garden sorted. The Insurance company has sent me a nice fat cheque through the post so I am looking forward to having a nice front garden again - infact it will probably be better than it was before the rogue builders got their hands on it!

Paul - Gottleblog and I are getting together to organise a cache bash with our Geocaching friends. We wanted to do something in memory of Bob on the anniversary of his birthday. So, seeing as though Bob had a big thing about rubber ducks, we have decided on a Duck race along with a few caches and a pub get-together. Should be fun! Will let you know more when we have got a bit better organised!

The new dishwasher was delivered yesterday but is now just sitting in the middle of the kitchen waiting for Darren to help me install it and move the washing machine. I can't wait - pure luxury and no more standing at the sink, which has become a running joke with some friends as they always seem to catch me standing there! Never had a dishwasher before - well I did, called Bob!!

Working late today and early tomorrow - am looking forward to work for some reason!

Life begins......

2007-01-25T20:24:00.000Z

Life begins at 40 they say. This year is my 40th year and I have been doing alot of thinking about my future.

I think I may have hit a small turning point. Although my world has been turned upside down in the past year, I have spent alot of time contemplating and thinking about things.

Bob has gone, I know that and it's going to take me ages to get over losing him. Reality has told me that he isn't coming back. It has also told me that although it feels old, 40 isn't really and I could live another 40 years - sort of like starting again really.
I miss Bob terribly and will for a very long time but I do know that I have my life to live and although I will always love Bob, I know I have a future ahead of me. Accepting the circumstances and cruelty of Bobs death is taking time and I don't think I will ever accept it completely and how terrible and rotten life can be sometimes, but I have got to try to make the most of the time I have, for me and for the kids.

I know it's still early days in a way - almost 10 months, but I think it's about time I started having some fun and to appreciate the good things in life. In a way I've already started (shhhhh, Jenny!) and it feels good.

Bob will always be in my heart and in my thoughts - it's not yet time to move on completely, but a little move helps.

New Year ills.

2007-01-09T09:31:00.000Z

Sorry, I know I haven't blogged since New Years day, but I have been rather busy and otherwise occupied! I do have an excuse!

So, it hasn't really been a great start to the year so far. There are bugs and illnesses galore flying around and everyone seems to be going down with something or other! George has just spent the past 2 days being sick and didn't manage to get into school yesterday. I haven't picked it up yet but am feeling a little jaded today - might be due to lack of sleep though.
On Sunday night I got very little sleep - tending to George and also Maggie.
Maggie is ill again.
Over Christmas she had a couple of episodes where her stomach seemed to spasm but she recovered quite quickly from those, but on Thursday morning I woke up to the poor thing having the pancreatitis symptoms again - shaking, tense, head down and tail between her legs. So off to the vet we went who kept her in for Nil by Mouth, IV fluids and painkillers. They sent her home on Sunday afternoon. She just cried all night, got diarrhoea and promtly vomited when I fed her on Monday morning. She's back at the vets again. They have done some specialised blood tests and one in particular has had to be sent abroad for analysis. They are trying to get to the bottom of why she keeps getting the pancreatitis.
The next step is to go to a specialised vet for an ultrasound and maybe open her up for another biopsy.
Just waiting to hear back from the vet now as to what they are going to do with her today.

I received a letter this morning from the Insurance people for Bobs motorbike. Up until now I have had no idea what has happened to the bike - the police had it for their investigations and then moved it - they never told me where.
It is now stored at a recovery garage and so far the fees for storage amount to £924! This isn't covered by the Insurance as Bob was only third party, fire and theft. After speaking to the insurance compnay they advised me to speak to Nick - the lovely family liaison police officer - an email has been sent to him asking for help! Hopefully he may be able to sort something out for me. The bike is only going to be scrapped anyway - there is no way I want it back, but I haven't got the money to pay for the storage anyway so what can they do?!

The decorations are all down, everything put away for next year, the wind is blowing, the rain is falling - just a typical horrible January day. Got to find something to cheer me up. Maybe I will book a holiday......................

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2007-01-01T12:05:00.000Z

Just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year!

Let's hope that 2007 turns out to be better than 2006 for lot of people who have had a terrible year, and for those that had a good year, let's hope they have an even better one!

Cheers!
Sarah xxx

2006-12-24T23:23:00.000Z

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

LOVE AND HUGS TO YOU ALL XXX

Christmas Quiz (nicked from Pauls' blog!)

2006-12-24T22:29:00.000Z

1. Ever been given an engagement ring? yes, one from 1st hubby and one from Bob
2. Longest friendship? 26 years. Being a forces brat we kept moving on!
3. Last gift you received? I have lots of unopened Xmas pressies - opening them tomorrow!
4. How many times have you dropped your cell? Only once or twice
5. When’s the last time you worked out? Can't remember! On the kids trampoline I think!
7. Last food you ate? Roast beef and chocolate pudding at the In-laws this evening
8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? Face
9. One favourite song? Currently, Chasing cars by Snow Patrol
10. Where do you live? Nr Southampton in the New Forest
11. Cell phone service provider? 3
12. Favourite mall store? New Look
13. Longest job ever had? Been a registered nurse since 1987
14.Do you own a pair of dice? Quite a few pair
15. Do you prank call people? Never
16.Last wedding attended? Chris and Jennys' last May
17. First friend you’d call if you won the lottery? All of them!
18. Last time you attended church? For a remembrance service in November
19.How old are you? 39.
20. Biggest lie you have heard? It wasn't me - from Becky
21. What do you want to drive? TVR
22. Where's your favourite place to eat with friends? Any curry house
23. Can you cook? Yep when I put my mind to it and have the time. Got an O level you know!
24. What car do you drive? A Freelander
25. Best kisser? Bob
26. Last time you cried? Today coz I missed Bob
27. Most disliked food? Broad beans
28. Thing you like most about yourself? I'm loyal
29. Thing you dislike most about yourself? My body
30. Longest shift you have worked at a job? 15 hours
31.Favourite movie? I like loads - not one in particular.
32.Can you sing? yes
33. Last Concert? Robbie Williams at Knebworth.
34. Last kiss? On a cheek - to Father-in-law coz it's his birthday today!
35. What colour are your eyes? greyish!
36. Who knows your darkest secret? Only Bob knew
37. Last movie rented? Don't rent any
38. Thing you never leave home without? Mascara on!
39. Favourite vacation spot? Dream one - Anywhere tropical. Reality - anywhere with the kids.
40. Do you like chinese food? Oh yes!
42. Is your room clean? yes when it's only me around
43. Laptop or desktop computer? Both
44. Favourite comedian? At the moment Catherine Tate
45. Do you smoke? Um - yes.
46.Sleep with or without clothes? Always with,just incase I have to be rescued!
47. Who sleeps with you every night? Maggie, the boxer dog
48. Long distance relationships work? Not for me
49. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? Once,years ago for a headlight out.
50. Pancakes or French toast? Pancakes
51. Do you like coffee? Unfortunately yes or else I get caffeine withdrawal!
52. How do you like your eggs? fried, in a muffin
53. Do you believe in astrology? nope
54. Last person you talked to on the phone? My friend, Dee
55. Last person on your missed call list? Beckys Dad
56. What was the last text message you received? I'll be there in 3/4 of an hour - from Paul
57. McDonalds or Burger King? Burger King
58. Number of pillows? 2
59. What are you wearing right now? T-shirt, jumper, smart trousers and my Xmas slippers
60. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song? It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold
61. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? none
62. Can you play pool? yes but not for ages
63. Do you know how to swim? Yes
64. Favourite ice cream? Hagen Daaz cookie Dough
65. Do you like maps? Not bothered
66. Tell me a random fact about yourself? I'm quite shy
67. Do you do drugs? Illicit as a young adult. Now just prescription ones!
68. Ever attend a theme party? An 80's theme one at my sisters
69. What is your favourite season? Summer
70. Last time you laughed at something stupid? This evening, at the puppy skidding on the kitchen floor
71. What time did you wake up this morning? Can't remember - too early though!
72. Best thing about winter? Sitting by a warm fire
73. Last time a cop gave you a ticket? Never had one!
74. What's the scariest thing you've ever done? Gone on a rollercoaster - I hate them!
75. Name of your first pet? Humphrey the tabby cat
76. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? Not bothered
77. What are you doing this weekend? It's Christmas - going to the parents
78. Who’s your best friend? Jenny
79. What is the third letter of your name? R
0. How old are your pets? Mags, 4, Lenny 15 weeks
81. What colour is your backpack? Blue and red
82. Are you sick? Not now but had a migraine all day yesterday
84. Is the bathroom open? Nope to stop Lenny pooing in there!
where's 85 and 86?!!!
87. Are you smiling? not really - too tired
88. Do you have on eye-liner? Never wear it
89. Do you miss someone right now? Miss Bob like mad
90. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? To Australia to see all my friends over there
91. Do you have a Myspace? No
92. Are you in high school? No
93. Do you have a crush? Nope
94. What is your favourite nickname for yourself? Sahrie!
95. What colour is your bathing suit? Brown
96. What’s your favourite brand of water? Any but prefer sparkling
97. Did you go on vacation last month? No but was off work
98. Have you ever been on a cruise? Only a barge holiday
99. Do you have a sister? yes an older one.
100. Are you upstairs? No

I'm So Lucky

2006-12-13T16:54:00.000Z

As regular readers know and those who know me personally, I have had the most unlucky, grotty year.
You know what has helped so much? My friends.
True friends are those that stick around when the chips are down and the going gets tough. I am so lucky to have some really good friends like that.

People have said to me that it isn't unknown to have friends avoid you when you have been through a bereavement such as mine. I have true friends that instead of keeping away, have kept in regular contact and have always been there for me. Infact, I have even more contact now than ever before. They are people that I can lean on, moan at, ask for help and they will be there.They are all truly wonderful people and goodness knows how I can ever thank them for being there for me. I seem to have taken an awful lot from others this year - very unlike me, and it's hard to adapt to that. I am learning to ask for help but still have the guilty feeling and really hate to put on people, I do hope that I can return their generosity one day.

Just recently, I have had a couple of friends help me out with George and the dogs now that I have returned to work. I sort of regret giving them my door key, as they have not only come in and made sure George is taken to school, they have had to clean up the mess from the puppy (still sorting the diarrhoea problem out!), but when I have walked in from work I have found all my housework done, the place tidied up, and even the ironing done! How on earth can I repay that?!
Unfortunately, poor Darren did accidentally tread on the puppy who is now limping around. Have had him checked out at the vet and have to take him back on Friday if he is no better. The same leg and symptoms as Maggie had when Bob accidentally trod on her - she had a broken leg! I don't blame him at all as it was an accident - Lenny really does love running around your ankles, but I do suspect he may have a little fracture there. He we go again, and Lenny isn't insured yet - oh dear!

But, the purpose of this blog is to let everyone know how much I appreciate my friends and to thank them for being who they are and being there for me.

So a huge THANK YOU! to:

Jenny - for being you and always on the end of the phone. Even though she lives nearly 200 miles away, she has always been there for me. She's just like a sister but I argue with her less than my real one! Don't ever change! You're brilliant!

Paul - for cheering me up, visiting regularly, keeping me company on the geocaching bashes, and unwittingly filling a huge gap when there is an empty seat at our table - making us 4 rather than 3. Oh and for sharing the chineses! You're brilliant too!

Andy - for all the DIY and difficult house stuff! For helping the kids and also to control them. For the financial help and the late night chats we've had. For dropping everything and dashing round when something else has fallen apart with the house!

Dee and Darren - for helping with the kids. Doing my housework and helping me to sort out all the junk I have! For fixing the ceiling and helping with the decorating. For cleaning up after the puppy!! For running me around when the car broke!

Stuart - for being a great godfather to George and taking him under your wing, giving him a good time at the cinema or the football. For helping me with all those horrible Government forms and phonecalls.

Apart from my family, these people are extremely special to me and I love them all and just feel so lucky to know them and to have them as my friends.

And just another little THANK YOU to all those that have left me lovely comments on this blog and for taking the time out to read my tales of woe!
It's just nice to to know that in this world of violence, war and poverty there are some lovely people out there too.......

Getting Better

2006-12-07T19:09:00.000Z

Been too busy to blog so I thought I should grab a couple of minutes to catch up while I have the chance!
Maggie is well on the way to recovery - she is so much better now and almost back to her normal self though she does get tired easily.
Nothing was a confirmed diagnosis but the Vet treated her for pancreatitis which meant Nil By Mouth, a drip, antibiotics and tons of painkillers. They actually sent her home last Thursday evening but by 22.00 that night, I had her back up there where she was readmitted. They hadn't really kept her in long enough to see if she settled after eating and by the time I got her home, she was squealing in pain when trying to have a poo, shaking and whimpering. She was really unwell and I was so worried about her. So she went back for another couple of days and this time she came home again on Saturday and is improving all the time. she has lost a ton of weight but is now eating and drinking as normal. Yay!

Lenny, the puppy is off for his 2nd lot of injections tomorrow so will be finally allowed out around Christmas. he is a typical puppy - into everything and still leaving me little poo presents everywhere! he dores try to go into the garden so the trail goes across the kitchen floor! he has learnt 'sit' already and is turning out to be incredibly cute and a real little character!

Have tried to sort out going back to work. Saw the Occ Health Dr on Monday who told me not to go back til I had spoken to 'management'. Obviously he couldn't tell me what I should do but we had a long chat and I have decided that if possible then I will reduce my hours to 20 per week. Got an appointment with Matron tomorrow so will just have to see what we can all decide on. The Dr told me that I musn't 'neglect' the children and to try to spend as much time with them - I got his life story about how he didn't spend enough time with one of his sons who now has mental health problems and OCD and alot of that is down to the fact that he was always working and didn't get to spend time with his kids. Well, I really didn't want to hear that - not very encouraging really!

Got the money situation sorted out too. Went to an appointment at the bank and as I walked in to the room, I said to the woman that I had had a rotten year and just needed to sort everything out. She went on to say that she'd had a rotten year too so I told her that I bet my year was worse than hers! She agreed with me after hearing my story! Mind you, we both sat and had a laugh about our predicaments, probably depressed and cheered us both up at the same time! Got the money sorted out so I can now afford to eat and not worry too much about having the time off work.
It helps having one less thing to worry about!

Psyching myself up for Bex's 14th birthday disco on Saturday evening. Having that in the local hall so I have roped in a few friends to do the music and help act as bouncers! Not looking forward to it though! I have threatened that if anyone misbehaves then we will play some opera music and that'll drive everyone away!

Off to nurse poor George who is curled up on the sofa with a bad headache - aw bless!

Me and my Big Mouth

2006-11-28T12:42:00.000Z

I knew it - I just knew it! After mentioning all the Insurance claims that I have had to make this year, I told you that the only Insurance that I haven't claimed on so far this year is the Pet Insurance.
I shouldn't have said anything. Poor Maggie is currently at the vets feeling very sorry for herself. Almost 2 years to the day Maggie had pancreatitis and peritonitis which kept her in the vets for a while over Christmas and new Year. Last week Maggie vomited a large amount of undigested food but seemed ok. Yesterday morning she didn't seem ok. She was wandering around with her tail between her legs, her head hung down and was quivering. She just wasn't herself and the symptoms were the same as the time she had pancreatitis. So I whisked her off to the vet yesterday where they did a blood test, gave her an anti-inflammatory and painkiller injection and gave me some rehydration powder to add to her water.
I just couldn't get her to drink anything even with a syringe. Infact she didn't go out to the toilet and only moved off the sofa once all day and night. Back to the vet for a review this morning - one pancreatic enzyme is raised but not alot and her red and white cells are ok - so no obvious infection. Today, her tummy is tender and she is dehydrated so the vet has taken her in for IV fluids and to do another blood test. She is querying Addisons because of her symptoms but that is very rare in a dog. All we have to do now is wait for more blood results and some rehydration.
So I am now about to claim on the only Insurance that I haven't yet claimed on this year. Boo hoo!

First the Good News.........

2006-11-23T23:22:00.000Z

Yep, the good news is, I may have found a way to get George to settle into bed on time! At last!
Those that know me, know that for the past year or so I have been having terrible trouble getting George to get off to sleep. It has been exacerbated since Bob died until it got to the stage that I was getting totally exhausted following many nights of still being awake at 1am waiting for George to settle.

I have tried everything from bribery to rewards to star charts and shouting but all to no avail. So, following a chat with a fellow Mum and the Psych nurse who George sees for his ADHD tendencies, I decide on a completely new scheme! To start with I went into the health food shop and came away with some 'sleeping' pills and relaxing liquid. He has 5 drops of the liquid (child essence) in a drink when he gets in from school, followed by a bath near bedtime and then another 5 drops and a tablet. Not only the herbal medicines but I have added in another incentive - Pokemon cards!!!
The latest craze in our area is collecing Pokemon cards, so a couple of days ago I bought some from Ebay - well I say some, 310 to be precise! George already had a good collection but wanted to add to it. Now everytime he does something good he gets a Pokemon card plus 5 more for going to bed early and another 5 for getting up and going to school.
Tonight, although he fell asleep on the sofa prior to goalie training, he was bathed and in bed by 21.15! Miracles do happen! Mind you, he has got up to the loo a couple of times, but all in all the new regime appears to be working! Hurrah!

The Bad News................
I forgot to check the phone for messages earlier today and when I did just before we went out to football, there was a message on there for me. My caravan has been broken into......Waaaaaah! I store it on a site in Devon and it is kept in a secure compound covered by CCTV (supposedly!). Apparently, the thieves got in throught the front window. The site manager said he had secured the van and given me the police incident number, but obviously he doesn't know if anything has been taken as he doesn't have a key to get into the van. I have to call in the morning to get more info and then call the Insurance company. Stupidly, I had left the TV in there wrapped in a bag and put amongst the duvets in a cupboard. The only other costly thing I can think off is the awning but that is minus a pole as I have that here after it got bent last time. Oh and the waste and water containers which cost quite a bit but are probably too awkward to move. Maybe the 'car' stereo could have gone too but until I can get down there or get someone else to look, then I won't really know what's gone. It takes about 2.5 hours to drive there so will have to sort that out too. We know a caravan man who I can get to do the repairs so I may go through everything with him.

I know it's not as bad as being burgled, but on top of everything else that has happened this year, it has really upset me. More hassle that I could do without. I sort of feel that I want to get a new caravan now.

Thank goodness for Insurance. I worked out this evening that I have used almost every type of Insurance I have this year.
So far I have claimed on the Life Insurance (Bob), Accidental Death Insurance (Bob), House Insurance (the rogue traders), Private Health insurance (my back), Car Insurance (minor prang in a carpark), and now the Caravan Insurance,
I think all I have left is the Pet Insurance (please, not that one) and I don't have Holiday Insurance so hopefully that will be it! The excesses alone total up to alot and I could really do without having to pay out £125 excess for the Caravan especially with Xmas looming.

Gosh, I will be so glad when this year is over - what a horrendous year 2006 has been.

Squelch squelch

2006-11-18T21:42:00.000Z

Yeuch - it has just been so wet. Yesterday the heavens decided to open just as the kids needed picking up from school. Typical! We were literally wading through the puddles to get to the school and if I hadn't got a Freelander then I wouldn't have been able to get home by the usual route. The bottom of one hill was totally flooded and practically impassable for some cars. I did hear of quite a few stranded cars around the area - people who thought they would be clever and try to drive through a huge flood! I loved it though!
In Pauls blog he mentioned driving through huge puddles which I love doing if nobody is around but I did see one car deliberately drive through a massive puddle on the other side of the road while a bunch of schoolkids stood next to it! The wave that enveloped them was brilliant! It was huge! This wasn't a malicious act though - the car driver came from the same estate as the kids and when the wave subsided, they were all standing there with huge grins on their faces and were laughing! I bet their Mums weren't though! Mind you, they would have been wet enough from the rain anyway!

On the home front, Lenny is settling in well but has already cost a small fortune at the vets and he hasn't even had his first injection yet! The poor little thing has had an upset tummy and his poo is rather nasty although he is trying to make it outside most of the time. He has had 2 lots of pro-biotic paste and a steroid injection. He is a little better but still having diarrhoea so I am getting through a gallon of disinfectant!

Had a nice surprise today when my sister and her boys popped over unexpectantly. Unfortunately, I was out at a garden centre not far from her home! I managed to get home to see her and we ended up having a rather tasty curry for dinner. It was great to see her as it has been a little while since we have managed to get together.

I am starting to feel alot better and more human. Less tired and able to cope with sorting the kids out. I hadn't realised how unwell and exhausted I had got. Still off for another couple of weeks yet so hopefully I will go back to work feeling totally refreshed.
The funny thing is, although some people thought that we were a bit daft taking on another dog, it seems to have given us something else to focus on - something away from the normal routine and to concentrate on. I'm glad Lenny is here and even Maggie is calmer and looking after him!

Squeak!

2006-11-13T12:15:00.000Z

Actually it should be "woof" but that's all our new family member can do at the moment. Introducing Lenny (yet another Simpsons name), our 8 week old King Charles Spaniel.

All I do at the moment is clean up poo & wee! Ho hum! At least I have 3 weeks off work to get him sorted!

Wheeeeeee! Bang!

2006-11-06T18:47:00.000Z

What started out as a little bonfire for burning some garden rubbish, ended up with a load of fireworks and some visitors!
On Saturday I decided that seeing as though there were going to be loads of bonfires around, I would do my own and get rid of some dead leaves etc from the garden. On Sunday morning, George decided to invite his friend and his parents along, followed by a phonecall to his godfather, a drop in visit by another of my friends and the in-laws - we ended up with hot dogs galore and loads of fireworks - well, 3 boxes and a few big rockets. I ended up assisting Darren with the fireworks while the girls and the others all sat and drank the booze watching our display. After an hour and a half we were getting a bit fed up with all the fireworks but we finished off all of them - the rockets were rather good! What a huge waste of money though!

I know I haven't blogged for a few days, infact I've hardly been online which is so unusual for me! Apologies to those that I normally chat to on MSN!
just been so busy and then when I stop and actually sit down, it's getting a bit late and I'm ready for bed!

Been busy at work - such a long week last week - I actually worked 30.5 hours when I'm only supposed to do 25! So trying to catch up on the other parts of my life has been difficult.
So a quick synopsis for you which I will expand on later!
Got counselling arranged for Beki and hopefully they will help George out too.
Had my happy pills increased by the GP
Got praised and a letter of appreciation just for taking blood nicely and painlessly from an (awkward) patient!
Blitzed Georges room
Been to football with George where they lost again & he refused to play in the second match!
Done lots of other things but too mundane and boring to mention here!

Off to finish cooking the dinner now as we're all really hungry!

And relax.......

2006-10-30T09:33:00.000Z

Got back from our few days away on Saturday. We did have a nice time - lots of shopping and also got pretty wet at times but it was a break away from the norm. We endured a terrible thunderstorm on Monday night but stayed nice and snug in the caravan. There's something soothing about listening to the rain pattering down on the roof!

Now it's back to the same old routine. I'm off to work this afternoon 12-21.00 and the same again tomorrow which means that I will miss out on the kids going trick or treating this year. I got George a Grim Reapers outfit which he asked for - not sure why he wanted to be that! Beki and her friend and George and his friend will be wandering round the village getting loads of sweets! They usually do quite well and I'm glad we live in a village where we know they will be safe. Last year it poured with rain and they got soaked so hopefully this year it will be a little drier for them.

So, having been away I have loads of catching up to do - nearly finished all the washing, just more ironing to do and I have loads of forms to fill out for the Probate office so I really must sit down and do those when I get a chance. It is all very daughting when you look at it and even when I have sent the forms back there is a backlog so will have to wait for ages to finally sort out all the money.

Right, must get on with all my chores then off to work.

Happy Birthday Paul!

2006-10-21T22:32:00.000+01:00

Well, for Monday anyway but we celebrated his birthday today anyway in the company of our Geocaching friends. A good time was had by all which always happens at the buddy bashes!

Just got one more hugely busy day tomorrow getting everything ready for our holiday on Monday - I just can't wait. Don't care about the weather as we never expect it to be great at this time of year - it will just be nice to get away from it all for a bit and to have a relaxing time. Looking forward to spending some time with my parents and my Aunt is popping over to see us all on Tuesday. Got plans to do shopping and I might even persuade the kids to find a couple of caches on this trip! Got to get my numbers up!

Will try to get one last quick blog in before we go and then I won't be back for a week as I know there isnt any wireless access where we are going and I'm not that desperate to go to an Internet cafe! Taking the lappy just in case though.

Yawn!

2006-10-15T21:37:00.000+01:00

I have just felt so exhausted his week. I was really busy at work - getting off at 21.45 on Thursday night and then back again for a 07.45 start. By the time I have got home, sorted the kids out, tidied up etc and gone to bed, it's almost time to get up again!
I just haven't been able to catch up on myself at all so spent most of yesterday blitzing the house and trying to get it up together.

Footbll agin today and this time they actually scored - 3 times! They drew the first match but actually scored a winning goal milli-seconds before the ref blew the final whistle. Unfortunately the ref was also from the other team so disallowed the goal even though we all knew that the ball was in the net before the whistle went. Our coach is filing a complaint. But, the boys were so happy that they had finally managed to score a goal! Mind you, in the second match they managed to lose by 11-1!!!! Aw bless, but considering the other team had been playing together for the past three years and our lads have only been together since September, they are doing pretty well.

Just trying to stop myself feeling so tired at the moment - I have even had to resort to Red Bull to keep me going and I am feeling so bad that I may have to combine it with Pro-Plus!
Just looking forward to a week off soon and a break away from the norm. I will probably feel lot better after a little r&r.
Just got Pauls birthday buddy bash next Saturday to look forward to but another week at work looms before. Oh well, it pays the bills.....

Sorry!

2006-10-09T11:50:00.000+01:00

The money I had has nearly all gone, so sorry Steve!
I went down to the building society today, wrote out a cheque for a six figure sum and with shaking hands I passed it over to the cashier. That has now taken a huge lump out of my mortgage and I am now left with a little affordable mortgage. I did leave a little money behind in the bank account for rainy days and towards Christmas.
I want to try to give the kids as good a Christmas as possible this year as it is going to be tough enough.

Had quite an interesting and as usual, busy week. I went out with the girls from work on Saturday evening for a yummy chinese meal. It was so nice to relax and have a good natter. Unfortunately the battery was going on my mobile so I switched it off, ready to let the kids know when I was leaving for home.
Time pushed on and while we were waiting for the bill, the waiter brought over their phone asking for me! Beki had tried my mobile and couldn't get through, so she tracked me down.
"What time do you call this? When are you coming home?"
Huh? Hang on a minute, who's the Mother here? I felt just like a naughty teenager who had stayed out too long! It was 23.30!
So I can't even have a night out without being checked up on by my kids!
I suppose it's understandable under the circumstances and they were worried about me but Beki was in bed when I got in - she had a friend staying over too, & George was up and about watching TV!

Sunday morning was an earlish start (for a Sunday anyway). Up and out for 09.30 for Georges' football - just a short match which they lost again! Only 4-0 this time and the 2 goals that George missed would have been tough to save so he did do pretty well. The other goalie let in the other 2 goals. The team still haven't managed to score a goal in the 5 games that they have played - bless!

So there I was looking forward to a quiet day on my own today, but then George is poorly with a wheezy chest and a rotten cough & Beki had a migraine - so much for some peace!

Loads of money!

2006-10-05T17:55:00.000+01:00

I now have a six figure sum of money sitting in my bank account. The accident policy and the life insurance have now paid out. I have to pay of the bulk of the mortgage with that money but will enjoy seeing it sitting in my account for now!

Mind you, I would much rather have Bob here, an overdraft and huge mortgage payments.

I did think that the next step would be really hard work but having spoken to the mortgage company, I can't believe how easy it's going to be. All I have to do is go in to the local branch, which is only a couple of miles away for me, and write a check out for the amount I want to pay off. They then automatically adjust the monthly repayments down, no redemption or fees to pay, just that easy to do. I have to do that prior to 10 days before the end of the month and that's it. One less thing to worry about.

I have been too busy & too tired to blog recently so must apologise for that.
Yet again all I seem to do is run around and get very little time to stop and rest.
Have been busy working, but am looking forward to 3 days off at the weekend. Although football does get in the way again on Sunday!

Work has been busy and quite interesting. I went to a sleep studies 'talk'. They are going to be doing sleep studies on children at our place and wanted interested people to come along to find out about it. I didn't know how much there is to learn about sleep! I must say though, that they did stress how important sleep is for learning and functioning etc so when I got home I told the kids to go straight to bed and told them they have really got to get some decent sleep as they will learn better and do better at school!
Shame I never get enough sleep! I just feel constantly exhausted and tired and have done for months. I just feel that I could sleep for a whole day if I was allowed to!

Oh well, just have to continue on in zombie mode! How I wish that I could curl up on the sofa in the afternoons but there's no chance - too much to do! Perhaps I could employ a nanny, housekeeper, gardener, handyman/decorator, chauffer and dog walker......................

On the other side!

2006-09-25T09:26:00.000+01:00

It's done! I had an epidural done on Friday at the hospital where I work. It is really horrible being on the other side as a patient, especially because I knew every single person that was involved in my care! I arrived at the hospital at 08.00 and sat and waited for the Consultant to drop her son off at school, all the time gasping for that morning cup of tea! I was finally taken in at 09.30 and discharged at 12.00. I was not as brave as I thought I would be and they gave me a little sedation, just enough to make me feel woozy.
The Consultant warned me that the epidural would aggravate my back for a few days but then the steroids would kick in after that. She wasn't wrong - I am still in quite alot of discomfort and the pain has also shifted to going down my right leg too! Hopefully that will all subside soon, but I will be checked on in 3 weeks time and if things are still not working then I will be whisked in for another type of epidural. Fingers crossed this won't happen!

I am also supposed to be resting my back for a few day, but there's not much chance of that in this house! I have still been busy doing housework but some good friends came over on Saturday and put Georges bed up for me! Yay! He has now spent 2 nights in his room but still settling a little late - hopefully this will improve soon too.

Georges' football team played their first League match yesterday. Considering they have only played as a team for a month they didn't do too badly, but, they did lose both matches by a long way. They never scored a goal, but I will say that the goals that the other teams scored weren't through George. He played half of each game and the other goalie let loads in! George played really well and did some great saves reducing their defeats by less goals. Unfortunately their star player was also on holiday so hopefully next week they will manage to score some goals!

Don't think I'm going to get a chance to get out and do my shopping this week so I suppose I am going to have to do it online. I got an email from Asda saying they now deliver in my area so tried to do it. The website told me it doesn't deliver to here yet - so why send me that mail? Grrr! I have tried Sainsburys but they don't have many delivery slots that I can do and Waitrose is a bit more expensive. Spose I will just have to go late night shopping at some point.
My car is in the garage today having the new hose fitted so I can't get out to do it this morning either & I have to look after my friends son after school so can't go then either! Oh well, looks like it's baked beans on toast for us then!

Phew!

2006-09-19T09:19:00.000+01:00

It looks like it was just the hose. So no expensive new turbo for me then! I finally managed to get out on the road to test the car on Sunday. I can still hereb a bit of a hiss but the smoke has gone and so has the sluggishness. The garage have now ordered a new hose for me and hopefully that will arrive later this week. In the meantime, I am driving very sedately and not accelerating too hard, just in case! Mind you, goodness knows when I will get the chance to get the hose fitted!

Am working a 1-9 today, Tuesdays can be horrendous or go to the other extreme and be really quiet and finish early - I do hope it's the latter today. If anyone needs sutures removing then I'm stuffed! I decided to have a go at chopping back my hedges with the electric hedge trimmer yesterday. Guess who is suffering from a shaky right hand today? Why do you get that after using one of those things? My hand is so weak and shakes like mad so if I attempt to do any suture removals today we could be in trouble! It will be ok if they are just straight forward ones but I have had to remove really tiny fiddly sutures following a blepharoplasty (eyelid and bag lift!). Those are bad enough to do on a good day, but there is no way I can go near any of those today without stabbing a poor unfortunate soul with the scissors! I get the same thing following plaster removal. The plaster cutter really vibrates and if you have a few to do in one day, then my hand has had it!

I had quite a productive day yesterday which included the hedge cutting. I also got round to putting wood paint on the fences and the garage door. I was still doing that when it turned dark! Mind you, I am feeling it a bit today as my back is sore - got to do it though as I feel so guilty if I ask anyone for help. I just hate playing the helpless female.

I also saw the Solicitor as I have to organise a Letter of Administration to get access to one of Bobs' pensions. Nobody told me that all I have to do is telephone the Probate Office and ask for the forms to fill out! If I do it myself then it will cost just over £90 in total, if I get the Solicitor to do it then I will be charged something like £140 an hour!! (I'm in the wrong job!) I decided to opt to do it myself and have phone the Probate office who are sending the forms onto me. Fortunately, the lovely Solicitor didn't charge me for that little piece of advice!

Georges' new bed arrived at 8am this morning and is now sitting in the hallway until I find the time to sort his room out, demolish his old bed & then put the new one up. We could have a full hallway for a little while! Hopefully then he will start sleeping in his own room as he is still migrating to the sofa at night.
I am also having a terrible problem with getting him to school and he got hysterical yesterday so he didn't go. I really must speak to his teacher to try to sort something out but from past experience, the school hasn't been much help. I am also contacting Simon Says organisation who help bereaved children as I feel both children have got to the stage where they need some more input - they weren't interested before.

So here's to another hectic week!

What a week that was!

2006-09-16T15:24:00.000+01:00

May be one day I'll get a week where things go smoothly and life is good but definitely not this past week.

Beckie has been off school with a vomiting bug, she was quite ill for a couple of days, and guess who seems to have fallen ill with her lousy bugs too? I worked a late shift last night and felt fine, went off to bed but woke early with a splitting headache. Great, thinks I, I have a migraine coming on - I do get them very occasionally. Tried to go back to sleep but my head kept waking me up, took tablets & then promptly brought them back again! I then spent the rest of this morning being sick countless times and feeling really lousy - this is no migraine - I got Bexs bug! Great! I haven't been sick for 3 hours now so think the worst is gone, but still feel absolutely wiped out.

I have been on and off the phone this week trying to sort my car out too. On Weds I drove home from work and it started to excessively smoke and seemed sluggish - I also could here a turbo noise which I don't normally have. So, I stopped at my local garage and they said they would look at it but thought it could be the tubo. Hence, tons of phonecalls to Autoplanet who I bought it from who couldn't even look at the car til the end of next week, the warranty company and my local garage. If it was the turbo then I was really hacked off with the car company as that would make it the 2nd major problem with my car and I've only had it 4 months! I have taken advice from Trading Standards as I felt that is really unreasonable to have that much go wrong. They gave me advice, talked to Land Rover who didn't really help much but gave a couple of suggestions to check out on. Talked to the garage who finally phoned me last night to say they had found a hole in a hose, had taped it up and given me the car back for the weekend to try out. They are ordering a new hose on Monday for me. Hopefully that is all it is and not the Turbo. Just got to see what happens over the next day or so. Haven't been able to drive the car as I have been too ill so will try tomorrow.
It has meant that I have had to get lifts from people to go to & from work over the past couple of days, so friends have been very good to me and ferried me around.

It also stopped me from going to my parents this weekend as I had no car, so they said they wold come to me on Sunday. I have just phoned them and told them that it's not a good idea as I don't want to risk them catching this bug. Sop everything I was planning to do today has been put off until tomorrow - I have no food in the house! Not that I feel like eating much anyway! George is over at Bobs parents who whizzed round to the rescue, picking my car up for me on the way!

I have so much to do this weekend and being ill is the last thing I need! Oh well, just have to rush around tomorrow instead!

Also had to cancel my first counselling session on Friday too and rearranged that for Monday, but have had to change that as I have to see the Solicitor re a letter of Administration to enable me to access some of Bobs pension money. I really need the counselling at the moment but just don't have the time to go!
On my next day off, on Friday, I am finally getting the epidural done for my back so that's another day gone too! Actually, I am not looking forward to that as they sedate you with Medazolam, which makes you forget everything. I really don't like the thought of not remembering something when I have been awake all along, especially coz I will know everybody as I'm having the procedure done at the hospital where I work! Don't think I'm brave enough to try without though! It's just missing a brief part of my life and not knowing about it that spooks me!

Thinking of spooky things, I have friends who have suddenly got into phoning psychic helplines (mad people as it cost a fortune) but they told me something that is really freaky! I'll leave that for another time as I have to go and lie down again now!

2006-09-12T18:59:00.001+01:00

Nothing exciting or that interesting happened today! It was just another day really.
George was still awake at midnight again last night and he managed to make it into school this morning so seems to cope quite well on it. Me, on the other hand isn't coping so well! I feel absolutely shattered this evening and have a bit of a niggling headache.
Think I might treat myself to the hottub tonight for a bit as I feel achy all over too. Don't think I'm actually coming down with anything, just feeling low.
I am really missing Bob today and it didn't help bumping into someone at work who knew the news but I hadn't actually seen since. I just think I'm having bad few days trying to deal with everything again and trying to cope with normal life.
I have a counselling session on Friday with a new Counsellor - this one is supposed to be a little more interactive than the last one who just let me cry and talk etc. I need more than that now so am hoping that this might help me on a few more steps - this one is also female too. I am getting the sessions all paid for through work which is good, just got to find the time to go to them!

Off to the parents in Weymouth this weekend which will be nice. Probably the last chance I will get to go for a whole weekend for a while as Georges football starts soon on every Sunday morning. I am also planning to take the kids to the caravan for a few days during October half term so am already looking forward to the break just to get away from the norm.

Work was fairly quiet today, nothing out of the ordinary although we did have more than our fair share of difficult venesection patients (blood tests). We just got a few with terrible veins that take ages to do - we had to resort to the Registrar for a couple so they must have been bad ones!

Ah well. Maggie needs a walk so I think I'll pop up to have a chat with Bob on the way round & tell him what a silly bugger he is for leaving us!

Five go hunting

2006-09-11T09:24:00.000+01:00

Actually it was 5 get hunted down!
On Saturday George, Beki, her boyfriend Lewis & I all piled into Pauls car for the Geocaching foxhunt.
Apart from a couple of tech problems - the laptops' battery doing silly things and freezing, it all went rather well. The final stop was by Fawley Church which gave those that were chasing us a chance to say 'Hi' to Bob and then a whizz back across the New Forest to Wilverley Enclosure where we had a rather yummy BBQ.
Paul got rather enthusiastic to start with and bunged the burgers on a little early so we had burnt burgers along with burnt sausages! We were very careful to checkthat they were cooked properly before crunching through them though!
That wasn't the only thing he managed to burn and a bucket of water was needed to extinguish the flames and melted rubber from Pauls caravan step - he had used that to rest one of the BBQs on as we couldn't put them on the ground! Mmmmmm.

It did dawn on me the reason for the Foxhunt and why everyone was there and I got a little emotional at one point. I'm sure Bob was looking down at us and even had a little laugh at Pauls little mishap!

Went looking for a new bed for George yesterday. I am at my wits end with him at the moment and think that I may need to get him to see our GP.
He just hasn't been sleeping. It is a bit of an old problem which has gone on for a year, but since Bob died he has just got worse. He is now still awake every night at midnight and even if I do get him to go into his bed, I get up in the morning and find he's migrated to the sofa overnight. I am getting really tired myself as I can't settle til I know he has and am finding things hard going at the moment.
I have tried a sticker chart, bribery, loss of treats or a treat if he manages to stay in his bed for a week. None of this has helped. I have got angry and yelled and even gone to the other extreme at a weekend & just let him get so tired that he doesn't care about going to bed. Still no help.
This week I have even tried Phenergan which is supposed to make him drowsy but he just slows down a little & then that's it. I offered to try the mallet treatment but he wasn't so keen!
He has said that he will go to bed properly if I get him a new bed. He does say that his room as it is now reminds him too much of his Daddy. So I am going to rearrange his room and put in a new bed.
After whizzing into town yesterday we couldn't find anything suitable anywhere, so out came the Argos catalogue, he chose a metal bunk bed with a futon underneath it so he can have friends over. That has now been ordered and will arrive in a couple of weeks.
Not sure if I could last that long with so little sleep though!

I have today off - have just done a little housework, taken the kids to school (including a very tired George) put the washing on, been to the Post Office and written this.
Now I'm going to go back to bed for a couple of hours as I'm working earlies for the next 3 days so up at 06.15.
Just a little chance to try to give myself a boost!

2006-09-08T20:12:00.000+01:00

A busy one today. I ended up doing the Cardiac pre-admission clinic as none of the team from the ward could mae it and seeing as though I have 6.5 years worth of Cardiac nursing experience, guess who got lumbered!
I don't really enjoy doing pre-admissions as they aren't challenging at all - once you have the knowledge then they are really easy to do. nd you, I did meet some lovely people today and I get the feeling that they will all make a good recovery. All straight forward by-pass and valve replacement cases who hopefully will be running around as good as new at Christmas.
It's so nice to reassure people that MRSA is virtually non-existant at our hospital and tha they will meet some lovely people and feel well looked after.

I manaed to get my appointment to see the Occ Health nurse at last today - have been tryin to get to see her since Februry but with the circumstances and my work it has been impossible to fit it in. It was supposed to be a review of my back problems which it was a little bit - I really have to see the Pain Consultan again and arrage for the epidural to be done- my healthcare has renewed so I am covered for it at last!
It mainly ended up wth me alking though what has happened with Bob and how 'm coping (which Im not very well at the moment). She has aranged for me to get some more counselling, this time with a more interactive person rather than the lstener I had last time. That's really what I need right now. I am entitled to another 7 sessions paid for by the company again. Infact the service is so good that I have already had a couple of phonecalls and a contact number for a local counsellor whith whom I have left a message.

Tonight I got my first taster of standing in the cold on the football touchline! George played his first friendly match, which they won and us parents all sat and watched for about an hour and a half. The thing is, where they play it is always windy and we just got so cold! Goodness knows what it will be like come Winter - better look for some thermals and stock up on flasks for the coffee and soup!

Too late to cook so off to the chinese for a take-out tonight.....

P.s Scuse the typos but I really have to bash the keyboard to type some letters and my hands are still cold - don't have the energy to go back and correct it all! Sorry!

Aaaargh! Football!

2006-09-07T21:19:00.000+01:00

From having a son who wasn't interested, since the World Cup, I now have a son who is totally into it! He has been bought membership of the Saints football team (that's Southamptons team for those of you from further afield) by his godfather so will be soon gracing the terraces to try to cheer the team on (who incidentally aren't doing well!). He has been picked to be the goalie for the local under 10's team, Fawley Falcons and now has the full Saints kit including the goalie one. He is also going to be doing football after school on a Wednesday. So now it's Friday evenings training and Sunday mornings' matches. What fun! Me, standing at the side of the pitch in the ain and freezing cold early on a Sunday morning in January! I will be well equipped with a nice hot flask of coffee!

So, this latest football passion saw George and I along with Paul, playing footie at the local park last night. Tee hee! If George is the No 1 goalie for his team, then I am worried. Paul and I took turns in aiming for the goal and he missed loads! He blamed it on us being adults! No excuse - hope he's better than that during the maches.
What was funny though is Paul chasing the ball around and then managing to step on the ball and go flying to the ground! We were pretty worn out after that!

Work today was quiet. All I seemed to do was take blood. We didn't have any Consultants in until 11am which is highly unusual. It was just typical then, that Matron decided to turn up with the new General Manager in tow to show him around our department. I found myself feeling guilty and explaining that we were never this quiet and all the rooms are usually booked and full from 8am! Not sure if he believed me though!
Mind you, it did get busier and I ended up leaving late!

Feeling a bit low tonight, really missing Bob, especially with the kids arguing and being grumpy. Had a look through our wedding piccies - he really looks like he enjoyed himself - we both did.

Got to try to get George to bed earlier tonight - have had to resort to trying Phenergan tonight as I'm really exhausted through the lack of sleep from him keeping me awake.

Oh dear!

2006-09-04T11:49:00.000+01:00

I had some sad news this morning. Malibu, the pengiun that our Geocaching friends adopted in memory of Bob, has died. Apparently it was Avian Malaria. It's a real shame that it was the penguin that we had that died. The Zoo has offered us a choice of another penguin to adopt, so we have a list of them all and I am just waiting to see if the cachers want to choose another or whether they will leave it up to us.
Just typical of my luck though!

Beki goes back to school today! Yay! Mind you, she only has to go in this afternoon for a couple of hours just to get timetables sorted etc. George doesn't go back until tomorrow though coz of teacher training today.
The Summer break seems to just have whizzed by and now we are back to normal life of school runs and lunchboxes! At least I don't have to worry so much about childcare.

George has recovered from his lack of sleep on Friday night. Mind you, he has spent alot of time glued to his Playstation as he got 3 games for presents. At least it's keeping him quiet for now and I am letting him have a play seeing as though he is back to school tomorrow. He did really well for pressies this year and got some nice things including most of the Saints football kit. That'll be great for all his football practices he has this year.

I'm back at work tomorrow, hopefully it won't be as busy as last Tuesday. Then I have next weekend off when we are getting together with our geocaching friends to do the 'Bob Tate Memorial Foxhunt'
Bob was the first person in the world to organise a Geocaching foxhunt using satellite technology. In simple speak - the 'fox' (a car) transmits it's satellite position to the 'chasers' (in their cars) who use their GPS co-ordinates to catch the fox. We have held a couple before and were due to run one in April but that didn't happen due to the circumstances, so an ex-colleague of Bobs, Neil, decided to run it in his memory. Mind you, I have just heard that Neils car has broken down and is halfway across the country and he needs that particular car to run it! Let's hope he gets it back in time!

Zzzzzzzzzzz

2006-09-02T21:09:00.000+01:00

Yawn!
I anticipated that the boys wouldn't get much sleep and I was right!
They stuffed themselves full on chocolate fondue and sweets, did the ghost hunt but one lad was a bit too scared so we couldn't get the atmosphere going with bangs and noises coz he was too scared. George and Chris were very brave and even went into the garage in the pitch black which can be rather creepy!
They finally settled into the living room infront of the Playstation and I eventually went into my room and turned off the light at 1am. Up again at 01.45 to tell them to settle down and then again at 03.45.
I checked on them at 10am and they were snoozing away so I left them for a bit. I ried waking hem at 10.30 and just got grunts so they were all still asleep when the parents turned up at 11am to take them home!
George is currently sitting next to me on the sofa fast asleep. Think I will have to pick him up and put him to bed fully clothed tonight!

Going to go and see if I can beat Paul on Test The Nation tonight and then I think I wll turn in to try to grab a bit more sleep!

Georges' Birthday!

2006-09-01T23:09:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday to George, my son, who's 10 today!
Just taken a little time out from the noise of his sleepover to write this! The boys are about to turn all the lights off and do a 'Ghost hunt' where Bex and I have to perform suitably spooky noises and make lots of banging and scraping noises too!

Just also wanted to thank Jenny for being on the end of phone on Thursday night when I was on the verge of another 'first' without Bob and needed an ear to cry at. We got through today ok but it was sad when I lit the candles on the cake and we sang 'Happy Birthday'. I kept my happy face on though.

Off to play at ghosts................!!

A Rest At Last!

2006-08-30T21:57:00.000+01:00

I had such a lovely weekend in Wells with Jenny. We stayed in a beautiful country house hotel which felt like staying in someones home - all cosy and homely complete with cats (to Jennys delight!) and Chico the 60 yr old parrot doorman. Just the sort of place that Bob would have loved.
We spent lots especially at the shopping village in Street where we had a great time bagging bargains, and found a couple of really nice eating places.
Spent a day in Wells and had a look around the cathedral which is rather beautiful.
Most of all though, I had a rest. Just caught up on some sleep and actually managed to lie down and have a snooze one afternoon which is very rare for me.

It was straight back to work on Tuesday morning though with a really busy shift. I started at 07.30 and didn't stop for a break until I actually left work late at 14.45. I think it was everyone catching up from the Bank Holiday weekend!
Worked a late today which was alot quieter. I helped a Consultant put a full leg plaster on a week old baby. Poor little thing, she was so sweet but she really bawled her head off, bless! Don't blame her really but it should improve her congenital problem in the end.
We also got to finish at 8pm - an hour earlier than expected although we do have to make the time up but I think yesterday made up for that!

Georges 10th birthday on Friday 1st Sept so am preparing for that. He is so excited and really hyper. Can't wait til it's over & he will calm down a bit!
He's having 3 friends over for a sleepover - just mucking about on the trampoline, in the hottub and then a ghost hunt (faked) in the dark around the house! Bex and I are on hand to provide suitably spooky noises!

Loads Of Stress!

2006-08-21T20:01:00.000+01:00

Yes, I have been under alot of stress that wasn't necessary and needn't have happened at all.

I now have an incident number from the police regarding the rogue traders but haven't heard anything from them since last week. I chased them up again today but still haven't heard anything back. Mind you, I haven't heard any more from the rogues either so maybe the police have had a word. So another phone call to wait for.

My car needed a new slave cylinder and clutch. I have only had the car for 4 months and the car sales place tried to argue that it wouldn't be covered under warranty as it would be classed as normal wear and tear on a 60k car. Huh! I argued back and told them that they should have picked it p on their 64 point pre sales check and that there was no way that I could wear a clutch out in 4 months and 4000 miles. They said that they would see what they could get out of the warranty company. They fixed the car and when I went to collect it, all I was charged was £60 for the diagnostic fee. 'Fine' says I and paid the money! Thank you very much.

The fact that I was already miffed off with them probably helped. When I bought my car, I took Bobs car back which was financed through them, pxed my car and gave them cash towards my new car. The finance was all paid off on the 3rd May by me. On the 23rd May the finance company took another £240 out of my account. The car sales said they would look into it. They couldn't have done so I called the finance company directly last week who told me that the car sales people (oh, alright, it was Autoplanet!) didn't send the settlement cheque through until the 3rd June so naturally they took a payment from me!
I talked to Autoplanet who told me that they were looking into it and couldn't get any sense out of the finance people. I had a good old moan that it was their fault coz they hadn't sent the settlement cheque through on time.
So, I made another call to the finance people today. Guess what? They hadn't heard from Autoplanet!
I finally got some good news. The finance people are sending me a cheque for the £240.97! Hurrah! They can deal with Autoplanet themselves just as long as I have my money back.

Been working lots over the past few days. Worked all day til 19.30 on Friday, did Sat morning and had Sunday off. Back for an 8-2 today and a 1-9 tomorrow. 8-2's on Weds & thursday and then I have 4 days off.
I can't wait!
I am dropping the kids off with my parents on Thursday evening, driving up to Wells in Somerset on Fri am and then spending a nice relaxing, get away from it all, weekend at a hotel, with Jenny. You just can't know how much I am looking forward to that break. No kids, no dog, no work, no housework,nothing but me and Jenny. Maybe a bit of girlie shopping but perhaps not a laze by the heated pool as the weather doesn't look that promising. I really need the break and thanks to Jenny arranging it all, I'm gonna get it and boy, am I going to make the most of it!
Roll on Friday!

Rogue Traders

2006-08-14T17:52:00.000+01:00

I haven't been feeling up to doing any blogging over the past few days. Things have been very stressful around here and I have had alot of sorting out to do.

I mentioned in my last blog about the driveway being done.
What I omitted to mention was the full details.
I have been got by rogue builders. They started work without my permission and then started to hassle me for money. I knew at this point that they were definitely not legitimate.
I had to go out and Beki took a phonecall from someone saying that they were from the police and that the builders were rogue, but Bex forgot who called and from which station. As far as I know, their van had been stopped that day and the driver wasn't insured to drive it, which the men did confirm happened, but why would I have a call from the police about that?

To cut a very long story short, I have been on the phone to the police a few times and haven't really gained much information until today. I got in from work and phoned the police again and they logged everything that I told them and just after I started to write this blog, I received a visit from a very nice policeman who has taken a load more details and written them down in his little book.
I should hear more tomorrow, but I can choose either to prosecute for malicious damage or I can lodge a complaint and they will speak to the men (if they can find them) and tell them that they are acting wrongly!
Will keep you posted!
In the meantime, my house insurance will cover for malicious damage so I have an assessor coming out to have a look tomorrow. Just got to put up with no wall and a half dug up garden at the front. Bet the neighbours love that!

That policeman knocking on the door brought back bad memories and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him - just brought that terrible knock on the door on the 5th April flooding back.

To add to my stress, my car is broken. I mentioned before that the gears got stuck when we were on holiday. Well, I drove into town on Saturday and I couldn't get the car out of gear and had to stall it to stop and get it out again. So, after shopping when it still happened I drove to the place I bought the car from 4 months ago & told them to sort it out. Could be the clutch or the cylinder thing (?!!) that is connected to the clutch. I had to kick up fuss with them today as they told me that the clutch would be classed as wear and tear and not covered under the warranty. How could I cause wear and tear in 4 months - it should have been checked before I bought it! They are going to have a look tomorrow by taking the whole lot out and try to wangle the clutch fitting under the replacement cylinder warranty. So yet another phonecall to wait for tomorrow. In the meantime I have a Focus sport with 94K on the clock to run around in.

All this happening when I had planned to go off to Weymouth to see my parents tomorrow. I had booked the time off work especially so we can go to the carnival there, which is always good to go to.
I have decided to go and am very glad that with modern technology, I can still be contacted on my mobile and won't have to stay at home waiting.

Got my new glasses today so that cheered me up - nice aqua blue ones with Transition lenses. I am really pleased with my new look. If Bob came back now he wouldn't recognise me - 2 stone lighter and a new image. Shame he will miss it.

Holiday Time!

2006-08-09T18:38:00.000+01:00

We had a lovely week in Devon. I wouldn't have managed it without the help of my parents. Dad helped set the caravan up and left me to do my own thing but was around if I needed the help. Mind you, I'm not sure that I could cope with putting the awning up and down by myself.

The weather was great for once and we managed to get out and about quite a bit. Visited Paignton a couple of times and also Brixham. Spent alot of time driving up and down hills and at one point sitting in traffic trying to get back to Woodbury from Brixham for 3 hours!
The hills seemed to take their toll on the car and on a trip into Paignton my gears decided to give up - I got stuck at some traffic lights unable to get into gear and managed to creep into a bus stop. The 'very, very' nice man came out and couldn't find anything wrong - seemed to think that the gears had overheated or the clutch, as the problem rectified itself after a while & we were able to merrily carry on our way after some reassurance.

Spent tons of money but had a jolly good time. I did miss Bob terribly and it was hard with him not being there. He loved Devon and caravanning. Hopefully he saw that we were having a nice time but were still missing him.

I have now left the van at the caravan site for storage but am still undecided whether to keep it there or not. It's very convenient for the West Country but not if I want to go elsewhere. Some friends are borrowing it to stay on the site next week as they just get the van out and put it in the pitch for you, so handy for that.

The reason that I am not sure about leaving the van down there is I have finally got round to getting the driveway done.
Aaaaaargh! What a mess!
Today some men came in & dug up the front garden and laid the hardcore down ready for my nice new frontage! I have been mulling over the idea about getting the front sorted so that I can keep the caravan here - the driveway is too narrow and there is a lovely BT pole in the way preventing it from being widened. So I have decided to open up the front and put a drive in there. I had 5 scruffy men digging up the lawn today and drinking tons of cups of tea - I had to go out to get more milk & teabags.
In the package they are also sorting out the bottom of my garden which is on a raised bit full of bramble and bits of an old fishpond - tons of concrete there which they have now dug out, along with a rather large tree trunk - that's going to be a nice gravel area where I can put pots etc and make pretty.
I will be so glad when it's all done - Maggie will be too but she has lost alot of garden! They hope to be finished by Saturday. Will let you know if they do a good job or not!

The Inquest

2006-07-26T19:32:00.000+01:00

The Inquest into Bobs accident was held yesterday.

It was pretty horrible being there - I had to give evidence and talk about Bobs usual journey & the bike etc, then the car driver that Bobs bike hit gave evidence. The Coroner read a statement from a lady that saw Bob before at a roundabout & followed him at a distance until she came across the accident & then the police gave their evidence.

As far as we know, Bob & the car were both on their correct sides of the road and for some reason Bob lost control of the motorbike. The car driver - a nice man in his late 60's, actually saw the bike leaning to the left as it came round a bend & then suddenly flip upright at which point Bob was flung from the bike. The bike went across the road into the car & Bob carried on down the road a little way.

We know that Bob didn't come into contact with the car but the Coroners verdict was that the reason for Bob losing control of the bike is unknown but he died as a result of a traffic collision.

The car driver told me how sorry he was & I told him that I was sorry that he had to be there and was involved. He gave me a hug and we were all in tears.

That's it. No reason why. Just a terrible tragic accident.

The Inquest didn't come up with any surprises but I am now finding it hard to deal with the fact that we don't know why he lost control. I suppose I just needed to hear a reason and I haven't got one. I am going to have to deal with that but at the moment it is too hard for me to do.

I am going to take the kids away in our caravan for 7 nights from Monday. We all need a break away.

Companionship

2006-07-21T22:42:00.000+01:00

Have been thinking alot recently about my relationship with Bob. You don't really know what you've got til it's gone.
We did argue and he used to drive me mad when he was grumpy or bad-tempered but I know I love him and didn't really tell him enough.
We just enjoyed doing so many of the same things together and had such similar interests:

We both loved motorbikes, although he was a bit more passionate than me!

We both enjoyed our camping and caravanning holidays and liked to look around the caravan and motorhome sales places looking for our dream van for the future.

We both loved living here even though it isn't convenient for our work really.

We both loved the New Forest.

We both loved shopping and spending money - which we were pretty bad about doing. He was great walking around shops and browsing and didn't mind waiting while I tried things on etc.

We both loved Boxer dogs.

We both loved to sit in the car by the sea during a thunderstorm and watch all the lightning.

We both loved the sea.

We both loved Weymouth and really enjoyed going down to Devon and the West Country.

We both loved body-boarding in the sea.

We both dreamed about selling the house and buying a boat to live on when we were retired.

We both hated gardening!

We both loved curry.

We both loved sitting outside at night watching the stars and looking for satellites.

We both enjoyed playing the 2 penny machines in arcades!

We both liked candles and oil burners.

We both enjoyed Geocaching - even in the cold, wet and wind!

We both loved our music - some of it did differ but we have mountains of CDs

We both enjoyed watching River Cottage with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall!

Neither of us were that bothered about watching Sport on TV and he even let me have the remote control most of the time!

Our favourite movies were Moulin Rouge, Strictly Ballroom and Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

We both loved each other and our children.

2006-07-21T22:24:00.000+01:00

Haven't really felt up to blogging recently. Just alot on my mind and alot to do.

It's quite hard now I'm working 4 days a week, trying to catch up with everything else including housework, is proving to be a bit of a challenge.

I don't even have much time to catch up at the weekends either!
Last weekend was busy socialising. On Saturday afternoon we joined our friends at the yacht club for their regatta - lovely hot weather to bask in with a bar down by the water - perfect!
On Sunday, we met up at Marwell Zoo with all our geocaching friends who had adopted a penguin in memory of Bob. We finally found his name up on the plaque and Malibu (the penguin) graced us with her presence by coming right up to us in the enclosure. I was ok while we were there but on the way home it dawned on me that we wouldn't have gone there if it hadn't been for losing Bob. That just made me sad.

Busy working this week, George finished school for the Summer yesterday and Bex finishes on Monday - she has to go in for a half day sports day which seems a bit mean really.

George and I went to see Bobs grave last night and the headstone has finally arrived. We weren't even told it was going to be placed so soon. It does look rather nice and I am pleased with it - just got to find a way to pay for it now as the taxman has been rather nasty this month & taken away £320 from my pay!
Apparently my tax code has changed because I am now receiving widowed parents allowance so my income has increased. Not by that much mind. Mr Taxman is now going to be taking an extra £70 a month from now on. Thinking about it, it just all seems daft to me. The government gives you money with one hand - the allowance, and then takes some of it back again through the taxman - doesn't make any sense to me. Incredibly annoying that they have to take the difference out in one lump sum considering that I only have a small income to survive on at the moment until all the money stuff is sorted out.
Can't sort any money stuff out until after the Coroners Inquest on Tuesday, so the Life Insurance, Bobs pensions, the accident policy and tax credits won't be sorted for a little longer which means I can't sort the mortgage out yet either beacuse I don't know what my actual income is going to be for a little while.
Nothing is easy is it?

Not too busy this coming weekend - going to ma-in-laws for dinner tomorrow evening and Bex is with her Dad so a nice peaceful weekend at least!

Just really dreading next Tuesday (Bobs inquest) and getting more anxious about it too. My parents are coming down on Monday to stay over & Dad and my sister are coming with me. Bobs' Mum wants to come too which is going to be really difficult for me - she just makes me feel worse, but I suppose she needs the closure. I'm not convinced I'm going to get it and I think that's what I really need. Just want it all over and done with now so I can deal with that big step.
Then I will have to find a way to carry on with life without him.

Getting Older again

2006-07-13T21:57:00.000+01:00

Thank you Calamity Jen for the kind Birthday message.

Yep, it's my birthday today - another year older and sliding towards the next big milestone.
I was really planning to let today pass by without any fuss. Infact, I really wasn't feeling like celebrating this year but everyone else seems to have other plans.

Last Saturday, as I mentioned previously, Jenny and Paul took the me and the kids out for a yummy meal.
Yesterday morning George was off on his school trip so the kids gave me a little pressie. They were really sweet and gave me one of my favourite perfumes.
The girls at work dragged me into a consulting room and sang Happy Birthday and presented me with a lovely bouquet of flowers with a card and chocolate cake and nibble.
Paul popped over yesterday evening and we went out for a nice quiet meal and a drink down at the Jolly Sailor pub in Ashlett Creek.
Today I had more pressies and a bunch of roses delivered to me sent from the kids. My parents came up from Weymouth and gave me another bunch of flowers and more perfume and took me out for lunch.

It was nice to be occupied today as I found I am really missing Bob - another one of those reminders that he isn't here anymore. That was very sad.
But, I've had loads of phone calls, even one from Stuart who is currently on his hols in Paris and from my sister who is oop North for a break with her boys.

Everyone has been absolutely lovely and so very kind.
On Sunday we are going back to Marwell Zoo to meet up with all our Geocaching friends to meet the penguin and see the plaque that they so kindly raised loads of money for in memory of Bob. That will be nice.

It is also Ma-in-laws birthday today so I have been over to see her and gave her a pressie too - tickets to see My Fair Lady at the theatre. Hope she enjoys that.

Just a very emotional and sad day today.

Helping out

2006-07-10T21:04:00.000+01:00

I had a lovely weekend apart from having to work on Saturday morning!
My dear friend Jenny came down on Friday night to stay and helped me out a huge amount by keeping an eye on the kids on Saturday morning whilst I was at work. She took them swimming although wasn't brave enough to join them for the inflatables session!
Jenny is a bad influence on me & I actually sat down to watch TV on Saturday afternoon - something that I never do! I am usually out and about or busy doing housework etc. I did feel rather guilty knowing that the jobs were piling up though!
On Saturday evening Jenny & our friend Paul, took us out for a lovely meal at a chinese restaurant where we stuffed our faces full of yummy food! We eventually got to bed around 01.30 which is pretty late even for me. Up and about on Sunday morning as J had to get to West Sussex for a party so George and I kept each other company until some more of our frind s came round in the afternoon. James is very helpful when it comes to filling out pension & insurance forms so we managed to tackle a couple of those.

I eventually crawled into bed around 11.30 as George to ages to settle & had to be up at 06.15 this morning. I really didn't want to get out of bed & have felt absolutely exhausted all day today and it's only Monday!
I am helping out by learning how the pre-admission clinics are run as the Sister who runs them is leaving in a couple of weeks to go to live in Australia and they need someone to hold the fort until the new person starts. They are recruiting internally so it will be a while before they can release them from the wards, so in the meantime I am going to be covering and will then have to show the new person how the clinic and paperwork is done. I only have 2 weeks to learn the ropes before I am off on holiday & days off for the Inquest. There is so much to remember and learn what to do so I grabbed a notebook and for the first time ever I am taking notes so I won't forget. Good thing today as I was just too tired to take the tons of things in!
I do know that there is no way I want that job though but am happy to help out in the meantime.

Am going to try to get a reasonably early night tonight if I can get George settled early enough and am working a 1-9 in Outpatients tomorrow. Let's hope the clinics don't finish late this week.

Bonfire Night!

2006-07-04T23:22:00.000+01:00

Been really busy again!
On Saturday we went over to see my nephew for his birthday, and of course my sister! We ended up going bowling and managed to catch a bit of the football on the screens there. A lovely BBQ followed and then home late.
Sunday was a day for housework and clearing up.

Yesterday evening our friend Andy popped over and I drove him up to the accident spot. It feels really strange being at the place where Bob died but it is out in the middle of the countryside - a similar evening to the one that Bob died on. The sun was shining and the birds were singing and it is just a lovely peaceful place. Terrible to think that such a tragic event took place there only a short time ago to spoil all that peace and quiet. If he had to go anywhere then that was one of the best places to be though.
We cleared up the plastic and bits from the flowers that we had left there after the funeral and added a bunch of roses to brighten the place up more. Andy has a rose growing in his garden that would be ideal so he is going to grow an offshoot and we are planting it on the verge where it can grow up into the trees.
The road has been resurfaced along that stretch now so fortunately the gouge marks and damage to the road is no longer visible.
We still can't work out what happened though but it helps to have a picture of where the accident happened.

We got home quite late and shoved the kids to bed and Andy left around midnight. I crawled into bed a short time after only to be woken by Beki at 1am, being sick. That continued all night and this morning. George also felt a bit queasy and had a tummy ache - I think it may have been the egg mayo sarnies they both had eaten as that is the only thing they had that I didn't.
I really had to go to work this morning so made sure they were both alright & went into work. I called ma-in-law later to check on them and she came over and spent the rest of the day looking after them both. George is absolutely fine now, but Beki is still under the weather so probably no school for her again tomorrow.

I decided to have a bonfire too!
Have had a huge pile of bits of tree & twigs behind the garage since last year and seeing as though it has been so dry, I decided to get the brazier out and have a bonfire. Yep, on the hottest day of the year so far - temperatures a bit over 30 degrees & I have a bonfire!
Well, you can guess how hot & sweaty & yeuchy I got so I followed that up with a lovely cool bath which was absolutely perfect!
I'm now all lovely and clean and smell nice and fresh and in my jammies ready for bed!

Got to help out with taking Georges classmates to swimming tomorrow morning so spose I had better get off to bed.